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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29447241">it’s not an easy thing, to love</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/roses_are_red_only_in_the_summertime/pseuds/roses_are_red_only_in_the_summertime'>roses_are_red_only_in_the_summertime</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Haikyuu!!</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Boys Kissing, Coming Out, Confessions, Feelings, First Dates, First Kiss, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Sawamura Daichi Needs a Hug, Sawamura Daichi in Love, Sawamura Daichi-centric, Secret Relationship, Sugawara Koushi Needs A Hug, Sugawara Koushi-centric, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Volleyball Dorks in Love, and he’s still trying to be okay with himself, suga’s there to help of course, where daichi’s parents are homophobic</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-04-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 18:20:03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>20,905</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29447241</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/roses_are_red_only_in_the_summertime/pseuds/roses_are_red_only_in_the_summertime</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Daichi had always known he’d lose things over this. People’s respect, their friendships, the casual way in which they talked to him. He’d accepted that his adult life wasn’t going to be easy, not when his parents were ashamed of him and his friends didn’t want to be near him and half of society would see him dead. But he thought he’d still have a year left without any worries. He could pretend until he left high school, come out to his parents before he went to uni and start a new life there. If some people back home still wanted to acknowledge his existence, perfect. But he hadn’t been hopeful. </p><p>But now there was Suga. He wasn’t even sure where they stood, exactly, but he knew he didn’t want to give this up. Would Suga mind pretending too, or would he want the world know?  </p><p>(or two boys trying to love in a world full of hate.)</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Sawamura Daichi/Sugawara Koushi</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>72</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. confessions in the dark</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>greetings, wonderful humans :)</p><p>i’ve fallen deeply in love with this story over the course of writing it. have to say it’s not the most brilliantly written thing i’ve ever put out there, but daisuga’s relationship is so fun to work with. </p><p>my update schedule is nonexistent, you’ve been warned. tags will change over time too, so please make sure to read them.</p><p>as always, enjoy!!</p><p> </p><p>(ps. the spacing is a little weird. will try to fix that as soon as possible.)</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>It happened late one night after practice.<br/>
<br/>
</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi had offered to walk him home. Practice had been good, despite their underclassmen’s usual antics, with the two newest first years turning out to be quite the brilliant duo. So much talent, for two kids so young. Especially the taller one. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Tobio Kageyama, </span>
  </em>
  <span>if Suga remembered correctly. He was one hell of a setter.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And it wasn’t like this was the first time Daichi had ever done this. They’d been friends since their first year, frequently walking each other home on nights they wanted to talk for just a little longer. It wasn’t far out of the way, just a few streets along. But the extra time made all the difference. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>This didn’t feel like every other time. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It felt like they both had a million things on the tip of their tongues but neither of them dared voice them. Suga had always liked how easy Daichi was to be around, how effortless conversation always came between them. But not tonight, as they headed towards Suga’s house. Daichi looked anxious, playing with his hands as they walked in silence. His cheeks were a little flushed, not too noticeable in the fluorescent glow of the streetlights, and he was biting his lip. Sucking on it slightly as he thought. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Cute, </span>
  </em>
  <span>Suga mused, before averting his gaze. He wasn’t supposed to think like that. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was a warm evening. Not uncomfortably warm, but warm enough to not mind if a cool breeze happened to blow past them. Neither of them said anything, letting the rustle of leaves be the only sound that filled the night. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It felt strange, to walk wordlessly side by side, waiting for his best friend to come up with whatever words he was trying to find, but Suga recognised when space was the best thing he could offer. He knew Daichi had something to tell him. It had been obvious for a few days, from the glances he’d been getting from his friend. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Maybe Daichi knew. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>He didn’t let himself get too wrapped up in that thought, though. What use was worrying, when there was nothing he could do now? At best, he wouldn’t care. And at worst…</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>No. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Daichi was a good guy. They’d been friends for too long for him to be unnecessarily cruel, even if he didn’t want to be so close anymore. <br/>
</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They reached a quieter street, one with no people and a single car parked at the end of the road. They passed it often, but never had Suga appreciated how out of the way it was. There were no lights on in any of the windows, no vehicles passing through the too-narrow lanes. So when Daichi stopped here, finally looking up at him, he thought maybe he picked it specifically. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Suga, I…” he started, before exhaling softly. Suga couldn’t quite read his expression. He was staring at him with wide eyes, trying to convey something Suga just wasn’t getting. Was it longing that he saw there? Dread? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Whatever it is, it’s okay,” he said, trying to be reassuring. The corner of his lips turned up a little into a smile and Daichi mirrored it, relaxing a little. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know how to start.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The admission was quiet, vulnerable. Nothing like Daichi’s usual and consistent steadiness. Suga just nodded, waiting for him to continue. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I… I think I’m having feelings that I shouldn’t.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When he didn’t continue, Suga spoke. “What kind of feelings?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There was no answer. Just Daichi’s pleading eyes, asking him to get it. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Needing </span>
  </em>
  <span>him to get it. </span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga thought he did. Get it, that is. </span>
  <em>
    <span>I know exactly what it’s like to feel things you shouldn’t.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Could they be thinking of the same thing?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His heart drummed a little faster as he stepped forward, trying to get a reaction. Daichi just kept staring, eyes growing wider, but he didn’t move away. He barely even blinked as Suga moved into what was clearly his personal space. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Time didn’t feel real. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi said nothing, relaxing a little as they stayed there. Too close for this to be casual, the tension thick enough to cut with a knife. Suga wanted to move even closer, admit things he’d barely even admitted to himself. Wanted to reach out, put a hand on the back of his head and pull him forward, close enough to feel his breath. But he didn’t. Their entire relationship seemed to depend on however the next few moments played out, and he didn’t feel like ruining that by making an unwanted move. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even if Daichi was staring at him too. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Does he want this? </span>
  </em>
  <span>he wondered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But the real question was, </span>
  <em>
    <span>do I have the guts to find out?</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Perhaps it was the cover of shadows, the privacy of that narrow little street with barely any light to it. Or how timeless everything felt when it was just them and the moon and no one else. But Suga found himself full of a reckless kind of courage, a boldness he didn’t think he’d possess had they been anywhere else. His feet were moving on their own accord until he was mere inches from Daichi’s face, their breaths warm in the space between them. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is this okay?” he asked, so quietly he barely even heard himself. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,” Daichi whispered back. “You’re sure about this?”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I’ve never been more sure of anything, </span>
  </em>
  <span>he wanted to say. But he didn’t, instead reaching up to cup Daichi’s face, thumb stroking his cheekbone. They were so close. All he had to do was close the gap and their lips would meet. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Now or never</span>
  </em>
  <span>, he supposed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The kiss was tentative. Sweet, gentle. Suga gave him every opportunity to move away, to step back and say he didn’t want this. But Daichi seemed to savour the feel of their lips together just as much as he did, leaning into the hold on his face. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Now, Suga had kissed before. He’d kissed a girl in middle school, and one or two in the summers when his family went on holiday. He’d even kissed a boy, once. And they’d been nice, but… nothing could ever compare to this. As they pulled away, a little out of breath and grins growing wider, he found himself wondering why he hadn’t done this sooner. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This is not how I expected this to go,” Daichi mumbled into the space between them, red faced but unable to stop smiling. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What were you expecting, then, bringing me to a dark and empty street?”</span>
</p><p>The instant darkening of Daichi’s cheeks was priceless. Suga just laughed, brushing some of his hair out of his eyes. </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>What if they could stay like this forever? Just them, under the cover of night, letting themselves feel things they could never in the daytime?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Then Daichi’s expression sobered, and Suga’s fingers stopped in his hair. “I was expecting you to walk away after I… said it out loud.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga knew what he meant. He’d thought about it far too many times, coming out to Daichi. Not all of them ended pleasantly. Nothing he’d dared dream of was as good as this. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well I’m still here, aren’t I?”</span>
</p><p>The smile returned to Daichi’s face. “Yeah. You are.”</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He wasn’t sure when they decided to head to Daichi’s house instead, but neither of them mentioned it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They walked in a comfortable kind of silence, hands brushing and their lips still parted in giddy smiles. Suga’s mind was buzzing, the phantom warmth of Daichi’s mouth still lingering on his lips, but there was also a heaviness settling in his chest that he didn’t want to think about just yet. </span>
</p><p><em><span>What were they supposed to do now?</span></em> <em><span>Go back to pretending? Was this a one off thing? </span></em><span>Suga wasn’t sure he could deal with going back to just being friends. </span></p><p>
  <span>Thankfully, Daichi seemed to be thinking the same thing. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So what now?” he asked, staring pointedly at his shoes. “I don’t want to go back to just be friends. I mean, I will if that’s what you want, but I thought that…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t want to just be friends,” Suga assured, and Daichi gave him one of those rare, shy smiles of his. It was enough to warm Suga’s cheeks a little, the thought that he’d be seeing this smile more often.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>How was I ever so lucky to find someone this beautiful who likes me too?</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The heavy question was almost forgotten until Daichi cleared his throat, reminding him they still really needed to talk about this. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My parents would hate me if they found out about tonight.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga turned to look at him, surprised at the sudden admission, but Daichi’s eyes were fixed firmly back on the ground. It wasn’t exactly news that his parents were homophobic, but to hear it outloud and put so bluntly… it felt like he was realising it for the first time all over again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, mine wouldn’t be too happy either,” he said, and let that hang in the air for a while. “But I think ultimately they’d want to see me happy. Even if it took a while, I’d like to think they’d come around eventually.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi just nodded, deep in thought. They’d be turning onto his street soon. Neither of them were quite ready for this to be over, but they had to part ways eventually. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Would you be okay with not spreading this around?” Daichi asked tentatively after a while, and Suga couldn’t help but raise his eyebrows in response. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I was never going to go around announcing it, but if it makes you uncomfortable, we can just keep this between us. I wouldn’t mind.”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>It’s not like some people would take it very well anyway,</span>
  </em>
  <span> he didn’t add.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Suga was fully expecting that to have been the end of all conversation for tonight when Daichi spoke up once more. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’d like to do this again sometime,” he said, and Suga was surprised with how much confidence he heard in his voice. “Take you out on a proper date.”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Unexpected, but certainly not unwelcome.</span>
  </em>
  <span> “A proper date, huh?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah. Flowers, chocolate – the whole charade. Would you want that?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They’d stopped just outside Daichi’s house. The light was on in the living room, casting both their faces in pale yellow light. It all still felt a little surreal. Never in his wildest dreams had he expected to end up here tonight, being asked out by his best friend and crush of two years. </span>
</p><p>“I’d love to go on a date with you.”</p><p>
  <span>Daichi’s face broke into a grin, and Suga couldn’t help but smile back. “I’ll text you, alright?” he said, backing into his front porch and towards the door. “Goodnight!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Goodnight,” Suga called out after him. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>A proper date.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Daichi’s words echoed in his mind the whole way home. </span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>thank you so much for reading!!</p><p>i have a pretty good idea of where this is going, but it’ll honestly depend on how much you guys like this. i’ve been wanting to write something like it for ages, and now here it is. actually kind of excited to keep writing. </p><p>let me know what you thought in the comments, as well as any suggestions you have for the next few chapters. I’d love to include some ideas!! </p><p>have an amazing rest of your day :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. daisies under the stars</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>welcome back :)</p><p>this is just a lot of fluff, especially towards the end. really loved writing this chapter, so I hope you enjoy!!</p><p>(tw: relatively brief but quite serious homophobia mentioned in this chapter)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Daichi walked into practice the next morning a little earlier than usual, wanting to get an early start to the day. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He still couldn’t believe how well everything had gone last night. Suga had kissed him. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Actually kissed him. </span>
  </em>
  <span>The stupid smile on his face only grew as he kept thinking about it. </span>
</p><p>Part of him still wondered if it was all still a terrible idea. If it had been a mistake, kissing Suga last night, then asking him out on a date. But he ignored that in favour of beaming, wanting to enjoy this happy feeling for as long as he possibly could.</p><p>“Morning, Captain,” a familiar voice called out, and Daichi’s smile widened even further.</p><p>“Suga, hey.”</p><p>Suga went over to the bench to set his water bottle down as Daichi continued to set up. The first few voices could be heard outside as the rest of the team started heading towards the club room, a reminder that he should probably school his expression a little. </p><p>“You look like you’re in high spirits today,” Suga teased, coming up behind him. Daichi threw a ball into his hands and rolled his eyes, but that didn’t stop the warmth from spreading across his cheeks. </p><p>“Well, I got myself a really cute date, so I think I’m allowed to be.”</p><p>It was Suga’s turn to look flustered. It was cute, the way his eyes widened just a little before he turned away. Daichi still couldn’t quite believe this was real. </p><p>Suga had just opened his mouth to retort when a couple of the second years walked in, chatting quietly amongst themselves. It stopped them both short, their smiles dimming a little as they finished working in silence. </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>What would the team say, if they knew?</span>
  </em>
  <span> he wondered, glancing over at Suga whenever the other boy wasn’t looking. He’d been avoiding this specific line of thought for a long time, because in all likeliness he knew some of the guys might not be okay with it. Would they stop getting changed around them? Become distant, reserved? Would they start whispering and calling them names behind their backs, or straight up to their faces? </span>
</p><p><br/>
Daichi had always known he’d lose things over this. People’s respect, their friendships, the casual way in which they talked to him. He’d accepted that his adult life wasn’t going to be easy, not when his parents were ashamed of him and his friends didn’t want to be near him and half of society would see him dead. But he thought he’d still have a year left without any worries. He could pretend until he left high school, come out to his parents before he went to uni and start a new life there. If some people back home still wanted to acknowledge his existence, perfect. But he hadn’t been hopeful. </p><p>But now there was Suga. He wasn’t even sure where they stood, exactly, but he knew he didn’t want to give this up. Would Suga mind pretending too, or would he want to let his friends know? </p><p>He was pulled out of his thoughts by Ukai’s voice shouting over the first years’ bickering. </p><p>“Captain, lead the warm up. We need to get some serious practice in if we’re going to have any chance of beating Nekoma.”</p><p><br/>
He’d texted Suga late last night, asking him to meet him after practice. He hadn’t been expecting a response, not when he’d waited until it was almost midnight to send the message, but a reply came back almost immediately. </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I’ll be there, </span>
  </em>
  <span>it read. </span>
</p><p>Daichi spent most of his afternoon classes overthinking whether Suga would even like the spot they’d be going to. It wasn’t classy or romantic like dinner somewhere or a coffee date at the mall. He’d thought it was perfect back when he asked last night, but now he was starting to doubt if it was enough. Would they get bored? Cold? </p><p>His phone buzzed in his pocket as he left his last class, and he had to shuffle away from the stream of students heading towards the exit to check it. When he saw a single notification from Suga his heart almost stopped, assuming the worst. </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>If you’re overthinking, stop. I’m sure it’ll be great. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>Suga knew him too well. </p><p><br/>
He only became aware of the dumb smile he had plastered on his face when he felt someone stop directly behind him. </p><p>“Daichi?”</p><p>He quickly shut his phone and turned around, only to realise it was just Yui. A small smile returned to his face as he leant back against the wall, pocketing his phone. </p><p>“Yui, hey. Is everything alright?”</p><p>“Yes! Everything’s fine,” she said, and settled in beside him. “Don’t you have to be at practice?”</p><p>“Yeah, but I have a few minutes.” </p><p>He and Yui had been friends since middle school. It was easy being around her; no pressure to do or be anyone. He didn’t have to pretend to be interested in her, didn’t have to talk about girls or dating or marriage. They barely talked about those kinds of things at all, he realised. It was always more about volleyball, or upcoming exams. </p><p>She had almost been the first person he told. He’d thought about it a lot, playing scenario after scenario in mind until he couldn’t take overthinking anymore. It would make sense to tell her first. He was pretty sure she was least likely to treat him any differently. But in the end he’d chosen Suga. </p><p>The reason was dumb. He thought that if Suga walked away, maybe he could take it as a sign that he wasn’t supposed to tell anyone. Maybe he could live with it, ignore it, never have to let anyone know. </p><p>That had backfired tremendously, considering he now had a date. </p><p><br/>
“Is something on your mind?” she asked, bringing him back to the present. He startled a little at the sound of her voice. </p><p>“I was just thinking about practice.”</p><p>She accepted his change of topic without question. “Is it going well?”</p><p>“Yeah, actually. The new first years have a lot of potential.”</p><p>“That's amazing! You’ll probably have a good year.”</p><p>He chuckled, and she laughed a little too. “Let’s hope so.”</p><p>The crowd had thinned in front of them, now walking at a regular pace instead of the strange shuffle that happened when the corridor was overpacked. He straightened himself up and she did the same, a silent understanding that this is where they’d part ways. </p><p>“Well, I’d better get to practice. See you around,” he called out, and she waved back at him. </p><p>“Bye, Daichi!”</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Practice was a complete blur. </span>
</p><p>He paid attention to very little of it, too wrapped up in his own head to notice what was going on. Suga had to nudge him a few times to bring him back to the present, but no one else seemed to notice he was out of it today. </p><p>“Well done, guys. That’s all for tonight,” Suga called out, to the relieved sighs and general grumbling of the second and first years respectively. He helped Daichi put the last of the balls away, probably waiting for the rest of the team to filter out of the gym, before stopping by the exit and waiting. “Where are you taking me, then?”</p><p>Daichi tried his best to swallow down his nerves as he closed the storage room door. It was just Suga, after all. Nothing was really awkward around him anymore. </p><p>“I thought we could get some meat buns then walk up to this playground I used to go to all the time. I know it’s not the most romantic of places, but it’ll be quiet. There’s quite a nice view, too.”</p><p>Suga just smiled. “Sounds perfect.”</p><p><br/>
So that’s how they ended up on the roof of a climbing frame, eating their meat buns and laughing about nothing in particular. </p><p>It was almost completely dark now, the first few stars beginning to dot the sky. The playground was high enough in the mountain and far away away enough from all the streetlights and cars for them to see the night sky clearly, something Daichi couldn’t remember doing since he’d last been here. </p><p>They’d watched the sunset on the walk here. Made a game out of spotting funny shaped clouds, laughing at the silly things they managed to come up with. Suga had sworn he’d seen one that looked just like the vice principal, but when he’d pointed it out the wind had moved it enough that it looked more like a whale head, or a very misshapen fish. </p><p>“That should’ve counted!” he’d exclaimed. “It looked exactly like him.”</p><p>“It looks like a disfigured pancake.”</p><p>There was a moment of silence where he’d been convinced he’d won, until Suga snorted. “Well…”</p><p>“You probably shouldn’t say whatever you’re about to say out loud.”</p><p>That just made Suga laugh even more. “Yeah, probably shouldn’t.” In the end, he’d won twelve ten to Daichi. </p><p><br/>
They settled into a comfortable silence up on the roof, changing intermittently between stargazing, stealing glances at each other and eating their food. Suga finished his first, popping the last bit into his mouth before folding the paper bag up and tucking it into his pocket. </p><p>“How did you find this place?”</p><p>Daichi turned his head a little to look at him, but he was staring up at the sky. </p><p>“I don’t know, actually. Stumbled across it one day. I used to come out here to think whenever I needed to get out of the house, or just wanted to be alone for a bit.” Suga simply hummed in response, so he continued. “No one ever comes out here. I’ve never seen a single kid on this playground, it’s always just middle schoolers with their bikes stopping here during the day.”</p><p>Suga shifted a little, bringing his arms to rest behind his head. “It feels like we’re the only two people alive.”</p><p>“It’s kind of why I chose it.”</p><p>Suga turned to look at him at that, lips curling into a smile. His gaze kept flickering across Daichi’s face, seemingly searching for something, expression unreadable. Daichi just waited.</p><p>It wasn’t until Suga’s eyes fell to his lips that understanding finally dawned, and it was all he could do not to grab Suga’s face and kiss him right there. But he wanted to draw this out a little, see how far he could push it before Suga said something. </p><p>Daichi took his time coming up to lean on his elbow, unable to stop a smile from forming as he ended up almost directly above Suga’s face. He could feel Suga’s breath quicken just a little, anticipation building as his eyes widened and his lips parted. All rational thought was abandoned as he took in the sight before him, and no amount of willpower could’ve stopped him from closing the gap right there and then. </p><p>The kiss started off slow and chase to begin with but gradually got deeper as Daichi pressed forward, needing to feel more of Suga against him. He did worry, briefly, if Suga was okay with this, but then he felt the tip of Suga’s tongue slide over lips, teasingly at first but then a more firm request for entry, and decided that if Suga wanted to slow down he’d say something. He let himself melt a little further with each kiss, relishing in the way Suga’s hands came up to move through his hair. He wanted nothing more than to stay here forever, sharing passionate kisses under the night sky with no one to answer to, no one to explain himself to or apologise for. </p><p><br/>
When Suga pulled away Daichi shifted back a little to allow for a better view of his face. He scanned it carefully for any sign of discomfort but was met instead with a lazy smile, and nothing but happiness radiating off his face. Daichi allowed himself to relax too, coming back down to lie full on the roof. </p><p>“You know, this might just be one of the best dates I’ve ever been on,” Suga said, moving closer til his head was in the crook of Daichi’s neck, resting on his shoulder. “Except you missed out the chocolates. And the flowers.”</p><p>He knew Suga was just teasing, but he felt the need to say something anyway. </p><p>“Actually, I have chocolate. And flowers.”</p><p>Suga looked up at him with eyebrows raised. “Really?”</p><p>“Yeah,” he said, before moving carefully away from Suga and sitting up. They were a lot higher up than he remembered. “Give me second.”</p><p>He climbed down with practiced ease and landed on the grass, right where they’d discarded their school bags earlier on. He rifled through the front pocket of his messenger bag until he managed to fish out a little box of chocolates he’d picked up on his way to school. </p><p>“Chocolates for one Sugawara Koushi,” he said, handing it up to where Suga was now sitting. He took the box and turned it in his hands, glancing between Daichi and the colourfully packaged box, a telltale blush already spreading across his cheeks. </p><p>“You didn’t have to, you know.”</p><p>“I know,” he said. “I wanted to.” He watched as the blush only deepened. Suga fiddled a little with the box before opening it, taking a moon shaped one and popping it into his mouth in one go. The contented hum that came from above him was enough to reassure Daichi he’d picked the right box. “Don’t forget your flowers.”</p><p>“Flowers?” Suga echoed, leaning over the side to get a better view of what Daichi was doing, only to laugh a little as he saw him picking little daisies out of the grass. </p><p>Daichi straighten up, holding out half a dozen little stalks. “I did tell you I’d get flowers.”</p><p>Suga took the miniature bouquet between his thumb and forefinger, bringing them up to his nose to sniff. </p><p>“Thanks. For all of this,” he said, as Daichi climbed back up onto the roof. Daichi lay back down and waited for Suga to snuggle into the crook of his neck, liking the way the warm breath felt on his shoulder. </p><p>“No problem,” he mumbled into Suga’s hair, and pressed a soft kiss to the top of his head. He’d need to come up with a very good excuse as to why he’s out so late later, but right now all he wanted to do was enjoy the moment. </p><p>He’d have time for worrying when he got home. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>chapter 3 has just been completed, to be proofread and posted tomorrow :)  </p><p>let me know what you thought, and if there’s anything you want to see in future!!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. guilt and family dinner</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>welcome back!!</p><p>i know this took a little longer to post but here it is! this chapter gets quite angsty, with daichi reflecting on everything and his parents helping with absolutely nothing. (not intentionally, but still)</p><p>this was written at 2am and I think it shows. apologies in advance, and hope you enjoy :)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“Where have you been?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi froze at the sound of his mother’s voice, blood chilling and heart rate spiking, but he quickly forced himself to relax and keep undoing his shoes. The more flustered he looked, the more suspicious it would seem. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well?” she asked again, stepping out from the kitchen so she was standing directly in front of him. “It’s almost eight, Daichi. I called you twice and you didn’t answer.”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Fuck. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>He quickly scrambled for an excuse. “Sorry. It must’ve died a little after practice,” he said, and she seemed to accept that. He got up with his shoes in hand and put them away, before giving his mother the most normal expression he could muster. “Some of the team wanted to go out after practice and I said I’d join them. I’m sorry, I must’ve lost track of time.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She didn’t seem to pick up on his restlessness. Her shoulders relaxed a little, frown dissipating as she shot him an exasperated look. “Well, at least you had fun with your friends. But you need to remember to call me!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry, ma.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She smiled at that, coming forward to plant a small kiss on his cheek in greeting, before ushering him upstairs to put his stuff away before dinner.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He reached his room and put his bag down by his bed, letting it drop more roughly than was strictly necessary. His phone buzzed in his pocket and he decided he should probably put it to charge, as well as that whoever was texting would just have to wait until later to get a reply.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Everything was hitting him all at once, and in all honesty, he wasn’t sure how he felt. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He was supposed to be happy.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He knew that. He knew that after such an amazing night he was supposed to beaming, to feel like the luckiest guy alive. Because he was. Not everyone got to spend their late afternoons laughing on the roofs of old playgrounds, on a date with one of the greatest people alive. He knew that. He knew that he was lucky. But somehow, he didn’t feel happy. It felt like his stomach was twisting into knots that he didn’t know how to untie, that any minute now his mother would come up the stairs and tell him she knew, she knew he’d been out with Suga and not with the rest of the team, knew he’d flirted with him and laughed with him and kissed him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It all just felt so much more real now. Not like a single kiss in a darkened street and the idea of a date to hold onto. They were actually doing this. He was letting himself fall harder and harder and he wasn’t quite sure what he was supposed to do. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maybe he should just be happy. Stop worrying so much about what his parents could say. It’s not like they knew, right? It’s not like anyone could even tell them. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His mother’s voice startled him more than he’d care to admit. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Daichi? Dinner’s ready. Get your brothers to come down too,” she called out, and he had no choice but to move. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I could always say I’m not hungry,</span>
  </em>
  <span> he reasoned. It would be easier to just hide in his room. But he’d already been late home, and those meat buns had been hours ago. He could at least make an effort. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>How bad can it even be?</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Dinners at the Sawamura household were always a lively affair. Daichi’s younger brothers were rarely quiet enough to make dinner a peaceful family time, instead filling their small kitchen with theories and stories and the sound of cutlery hitting glass. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>It makes a funny sound,</span>
  </em>
  <span> they’d said innocently, after he’d told them they’d break something if they weren’t careful. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Their father always sat at the head of the table, eating his dinner mostly in silence as he listened and nodded to the chatter around him. He made little noises of agreement now and then but rarely offered his own commentary on anything he didn’t deem worth responding to. It wasn’t purposefully cold, exactly, it was just the way he was. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was their mother who always asked things, even if it was their father who seemed most interested in the answer. She told them how her day had gone and asked about school, about practice, about their friends and teachers. It was she who smiled at the twins’ antics and winked at Daichi when they asked her to play along. She’d always been far more actively involved in their lives, and that’s how Daichi had come to expect it to be. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Which is why he almost thought he’d misheard when his father turned towards him about halfway through dinner. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So, son… do you have your eyes on a girl yet?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He’d said it casually, like it was the most normal thing for a father to ask his son. Which Daichi supposed it was. </span>
  <em>
    <span>This doesn’t mean anything, </span>
  </em>
  <span>he assured himself as he tried to remember how to breathe. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There are some very nice girls in my class,” he managed, and his mother beamed up at him. It wasn’t a lie. There </span>
  <em>
    <span>were</span>
  </em>
  <span> a lot of nice girls in his class. He just didn’t want to date them. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>His father made a noncommittal noise of approval, and continued to eat his dinner. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Any girls in particular?” his mother asked, shooting him a knowing look. He smiled back, playing along, wishing more than anything that the knot in his stomach would disappear so he would stop feeling so sick. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not really, no. I’ve got the team right now, and exams coming up later in the year. Just haven’t been thinking about girls much.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, maybe you should.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi stopped eating to stare up at his father, who was still eating as normal. No one else seemed to be taking it as a big deal that he was actually giving some input in their lives. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He was probably overreacting. Almost definitely overreacting. But it felt like everything meant something, now that he had just gone out on a date with Suga. Like it was written on his face, that he had disappointed them both and could never fix it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, I will,” he answered vaguely. Luckily, his brothers were masterful at changing the direction of conversation. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Girls are gross,” Haruo said, successfully turning all attention away from him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Both their parents frowned. “No they’re not!” Yusei replied. “Girls are pretty.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They like pink stuff and romance. It’s all gross.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How are you supposed to kiss girls if you don’t do romance? It’s not like you can just-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi zoned out of their bickering. Girls </span>
  <em>
    <span>were</span>
  </em>
  <span> gross. Not because of anything they did, but… the very thought of doing anything more than holding hands with one made him extremely uncomfortable. Which in turn made him feel even sicker, because that wasn’t the kind of thing you were supposed to just think. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eating any more food felt like a bad idea right now. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ma? I think something I ate earlier with the guys didn’t land very well. Can I be excused?” he asked, and his mother frowned in concern. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course. Are you feeling alright?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m okay, just… don’t feel like eating.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded and let him go. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Back in his room, he let the door close behind before collapsing onto his bed, the sickening feeling only getting worse now that he could mull his thoughts over in peace. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He hated feeling so much without knowing how to deal with it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The guilt stung hardest. Guilt for disappointing his parents, for liking boys instead of girls like he’s always been told he’s supposed to. But also guilt for feeling ashamed, for not wanting to bring Suga over and telling everyone about him. For only being himself when the sky was dark and there was no one else around, where he could delude himself that what they were doing was okay. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Because it wasn’t. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Not really, anyways. And not just because it was wrong, or at least it felt that way a lot of the time… no, what they were doing wasn’t okay because Suga deserved better. Better than someone who was scared to hold his hand anywhere other than in an abandoned park, late at night, where no one could ever see them. And they’d only been on one date, but Suga would figure it out. That he was terrified of how he felt. Of what his parents would do if they found out. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>This was not how he’d planned his life.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His phone buzzed again beside him and he picked it up, unplugging it before putting in the code. A message from Nishinoya on the volleyball club chat, a video of two cats playing with bubble wrap from a classmate of his. A single, unread message from Suga. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi turned it off without looking at it. </span>
</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>thank you for reading!!</p><p>next chapter will be suga. see you then :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. difficult conversations</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>greetings, wonderful people!!</p><p>a very lovely comment from someone earlier today inspired me to finish writing this and put it out there, so thank you so much for that! hearing such great feedback is always so encouraging. </p><p>this one’s from suga’s perspective. enjoy :)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>It was the afternoon after their date, and Daichi was avoiding him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Not noticeably, mind. He was normal enough during morning practice. A little distant, maybe, but Suga choked that up to nerves about raising suspicion. But when he didn’t show up in their usual spot to go for lunch, and no one seemed to have seen him since class ended, Suga started to wonder if something had gone wrong. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Have I said something? Done something, maybe? Was the goodnight text too much? Not enough? </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>He unlocked his phone and reread it for the millionth time since sending it last night. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I had fun today, </span>
  </em>
  <span>it said. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Goodnight. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Short and simple. Not suspicious if it were seen. He thought it had been fine. But Daichi still hadn’t replied, despite reading it just over an hour ago. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga wanted to ask if he’d gotten something wrong. There wasn’t that much he could’ve screwed up between last night and now, was there? Daichi had looked so happy. More at ease than Suga had ever seen him, apart from maybe a few occasions after winning difficult games. He couldn’t have misread that, right? Completely missed something he should’ve seen coming?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Maybe he just didn’t want to do this. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>He shook his head, trying to snap out of it. There was always the very real possibility he was completely overthinking this and nothing was wrong, but now that the thoughts were there he couldn’t exactly turn them off. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Suga was starting to wonder if he should eat his lunch alone when his phone lit up, two texts coming in one after the other. </span>
</p><p>
  <b>
    <em>Daichi</em>
  </b>
  <em>
    
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>(2) unread messages</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Sorry for being weird. Can we talk?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I’m at the usual place. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>It did nothing to quash his fears, but at least this was something.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They’d first found the place about a year ago. An overgrown patch of grass just behind the main school, complete with a little bench that must’ve been at least twenty years old. It was supposed to be a shortcut between the main building and the field but no one ever seemed to pass by it, making it the perfect place to hang out without anyone else finding them. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When he got there Daichi was already sitting on the bench, elbows on his knees as he stared at the ground. His lunch sat untouched beside him, in the same brown paper bag his mother always packed it. It was obvious that whatever this was about, it was serious. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga joined him on the bench but said nothing. He’d decided to leave a fair amount of space between them, just in case someone did happen to pass them, but really he wanted nothing more than to take his hand and hold it until whatever was wrong passed. Until no one could doubt how Suga felt. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But he couldn’t, so he didn’t. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi had looked up as he said down, mouth turning up into a tired smile. He looked scared, like he was going into something he knew wouldn’t end well, and Suga didn’t like it. He hated that look.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You wanted to talk?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi shifted a little, eyes turning back to the ground. “Yeah,” he said slowly. “I guess I just want to know where we stand? And how you feel about keeping us a secret. I know you might not want to, and that’s fine, but… I can’t have anyone know. Not right now. And if that’s a deal breaker I’m sorry, it's really not that I don’t like you but I’m just not-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Daichi,” Suga said, and Daichi stopped in his tracks. His eyes were wide, panicked. An expression so foreign on his face that Suga couldn’t help the urge to do something about it, to reassure him that it was okay. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He slid a little closer and put his hand around Daichi’s, slowly so he could pull away if he wanted. He didn’t. He just kept staring at their entwined fingers, before looking up to meet Suga’s eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I get it, okay? And seeing as you’re asking…” Suga started, squeezing his hand gently. “I really like you too. And no, I don’t mind not telling anyone. I knew from the start you probably wouldn’t want to and I’m okay with it. I don’t need the whole world to know that you’re my boyfriend.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi’s breath hitched a little on the last word, but it wasn’t a negative reaction. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What? You are my boyfriend, right?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,” he said after a beat, visibly relaxing as a blush crept across his cheeks. Suga couldn’t help but feel a little pride in it. “I just wasn’t expecting you to say it so outright.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You should know by now that I’m pretty forward.” They both laughed at that, and all tension seemed to bleed out of the air. Suga took a moment to appreciate the scene, of Daichi’s smile growing wider and hair being messed up by the wind, before letting his expression sober a little. “Just… tell me if there’s anything you’re uncomfortable with doing, so we’re always on the same page. Okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His boyfriend nodded. “Okay.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He couldn’t quite explain the warmth in his chest as he opened up his lunch, hand slipping out of Daichi’s as they started a comfortable conversation. They were okay. He hadn’t done anything wrong, and Daichi still wanted to be with him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And maybe he should’ve felt… something about Daichi not wanting to tell anyone. But he found that he really didn’t care, so long as they could still have this - quiet moments where it was just them, and nothing else seemed to matter. He found he really didn’t need the world to know to be able to enjoy this.</span>
</p><p> </p><p><span>They had a long conversation late that night, first about boundaries and then about their fears, what they thought people would say or think or do if they found out. It wasn’t an easy </span>conversation to have, not when they knew a lot of people around them could very well react terribly, but Suga was still glad they did. It put a lot of things into perspective, things he hadn’t really previously thought about. </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>My parents would take it horribly, </span>
  </em>
  <span>Daichi had said, speaking softly into the phone. </span>
  <em>
    <span>My mum would cry. A lot. Maybe tell me I’m just confused, or haven’t found the right girl. But my dad… </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>The breath he’d taken shook a little, and Suga had wanted nothing more than to be there beside him. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I don’t know what my dad would do. He might ignore me, pretend I never said it, or stop talking to me completely. He might spit in my face and  kick me out or call me every filthy name under the sun, but I really just don’t know. My mum always says it’s inappropriate, whenever we happen to see a couple like us around. Shields the twins’ eyes and keeps moving. But my dad’s not like that. He doesn’t say what he thinks. I’ve always known he hates people like me, but I don’t know how much or how he’d show it if I ever told him. And honestly… I’m not sure I want to find out. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>He’d sounded so broken as he said it. Like he’d already accepted that there was no way coming out would end well and moved past the hope that things might not be so terrible, ending up instead at a strange mix of guilt and fear and resignation. It destroyed Suga a little, that this is what Daichi had to live with. The knowledge that he likely wouldn’t have a family to return to if he ever decided to tell them the truth. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It made more sense, having heard all of that, why it was so important to him that they kept what they had quiet. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga figured his own family wouldn’t be overjoyed either, but he couldn’t see them hating him. His parents were both very soft spoken people, and rarely had anything bad to say about anyone. It might take them a beat to wrap their heads around it, but he was pretty sure they already suspected he wasn’t straight. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They hung up sometime around 1am, exhausted but content. There wasn’t anyone else they could have these kinds of conversations with. Suga knew that tomorrow he’d go right back to playful teasing and poking fun, but right then he let himself enjoy the openness, reassured that whatever happened, he could always talk to Daichi. </span>
</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>thank you so much for reading!! we’ll be back to daichi next chapter. </p><p>if there’s anything you wanna see in future please let me know!</p><p>as always, have a lovely rest of your day :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. two month anniversary, pt. 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>sorry this is later than usual, school’s back and i haven’t had much time to write. but here it is!! (finally)</p><p>this chapter got a little long, so i had to split it into two. part 2 isn’t quite finished but should b done soon, might upload tonight still or else sometime tomorrow. </p><p>as always, enjoy!!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>It had been eight weeks since their first date, and life could not have been going better. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Home was still sometimes hard. He felt like a stranger there, pretending to be someone he didn’t really recognise. His parents couldn’t seem to stop asking about which girls he was interested in and when he was finally going to get a date, which frustrated him on good days and scared him on bad. Sometimes he’d lie, say he had his eye on one of the girls in his class, which always seemed to work for a few days. It was all a little exhausting to think about, so he tried not to. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But as soon as he turned up at school, all those worries dissipated. He and Suga had made it a habit to turn up at practice early every day, where they shared a quick good morning kiss and got changed before heading to the gym to set up. Those few minutes at the start of each morning were often the highlight of his day, where it was just him and Suga and an uncooperative net in the empty gym, and he often took advantage of those moments to just enjoy his boyfriend’s company. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Two month anniversary tomorrow,” Suga said as they finally got the net up, and Daichi just smiled. He’d taken Suga back to that playground for their one month anniversary and they’d spent hours talking about nothing in particular, having grabbed takeout and a rather large box of chocolates on the way. He’d made a point of getting some actual flowers that time too, a little bouquet of pink and white plants that he couldn’t really name. Suga had seemed happy enough, though, so it didn’t really matter. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Now, a month later, they’d agreed Suga was taking them both somewhere to celebrate. Daichi had to admit he was excited even if a little apprehensive, still not sure what excuse he was going to use to get a few hours after school to go out. But Suga had looked so pleased with himself when he’d announced he knew exactly where he was taking them, so Daichi let himself forget everything else and focused purely on the prospect of spending tomorrow afternoon with his boyfriend. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’ve been reminding me all week,” he said, and Suga tossed a ball at him. He caught it, barely, and laughed. “It’s not like I’m going to forget.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga huffed. “Excuse me for being excited.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>There was no bite behind the words, just the usual mock annoyance he used to tease. Daichi’s smile grew a little wider, unable to help the fondness he felt. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He was the luckiest guy in the world. There was no doubt about it; he’d won whatever boyfriend lottery existed out there. He couldn’t wait until the day he could take his hand and hold it proudly. Until he could kiss him in the hall and no one would bat an eye. Suga </span>
  <em>
    <span>was</span>
  </em>
  <span> something to be proud of. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He wished everyone saw it like that. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’re you looking so happy for?” Suga asked, giving him a little smirk out of the corner of his mouth as he turned around, having noticed the first years streaming in before Daichi. They seemed distracted enough with whatever Hinata was babbling on about that Daichi came up to stand behind Suga, mouth a few inches from his ear. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe I’m just realising I have the hottest boyfriend in the world.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>If he was going to say things like that with the first years just across the gym, he certainly wasn’t going to show it. He walked away without looking back at the inevitable blush spreading across Suga’s face, smug with the knowledge that his smirk was undoubtedly gone.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The morning passed in a blur. By the time midday rolled around he’d barely registered the passing hours, and was surprised when the bell rang out for the end of morning classes. He packed his books up quickly and grabbed his lunch, hoping to be a little early to the spot where he and Suga usually met, before remembering they weren’t eating together today. Suga had promised to help a classmate with revision over lunch, so he was on his own. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi ended up sitting with Yui and her friends, listening to them talk without imputing much into the conversation. It was nice, sitting there in the courtyard, listening to them comment on that morning’s lessons and the homework they still had due with far more enthusiasm than he could’ve ever mustered. They didn’t seem to mind that he didn’t have much to say, either, which was always a plus. Some boys in their year joined them about halfway through and introductions were made, and even though he’d rather have been eating with Suga, Yui’s friends all seemed nice enough. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Takahashi,” one of the boys had said to him, extending his hand. Daichi took it and smiled politely as the boy slipped in beside him, lunch in hand. “You’re the captain of the volleyball team, right?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,” he replied simply, and the boy nodded. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve heard good things about you guys.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The conversation went from there, as they started discussing the season as it was and the strengths and weaknesses of other schools. The boy knew a surprising amount about volleyball, and was eager to ask about anything he didn’t get. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>What do pinch servers do? Who’s the strongest player in the prefecture? Do you think you guys can make it to nationals?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>The enthusiasm reminded Daichi of Hinata, a little. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So… what got you interested in the game?” he asked, once the string of questions had turned into more thoughtful commentary. It was refreshing, hearing options from a spectator’s perspective, even if it wasn’t always that accurate. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Michimiya talks a lot about volleyball. I thought I might look into it,” the boy replied. Yui blushed a little from a little further down the table and Daichi couldn’t help but smile, saving this new discovery for another conversation. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The rest of the day passed quickly, and before he knew it an alarm was going off somewhere to his left, loudly reminding him he had to get up and go to school. He reached over to turn it off before rolling back over, hoping to get a few more seconds of sleep before he had to move. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Wait. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>His eyes shot open and he made a grab for his phone, messing up the passcode before he managed to get it to unlock. Uncoordinated fingers fumbled to get the right contact up, and sure enough, he had an unread message from Suga. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Good morning handsome ;)</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>His heart did a funny little thing as he saw the winky face, and he wasn’t quite sure if it was excitement or anxiety. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They were never this flirty over text. If his parents found this he’d be dead on the spot. But it couldn’t hurt to indulge a little, would it? It was their anniversary, after all. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Good morning urself, </span>
  </em>
  <span>he typed back. He was sure it was a terrible way to respond, but it’s not like he had any practice. Maybe Suga could just take the wheel on this one. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>What? No “ur handsome too”? I feel betrayed. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi laughed, because only Suga could ever say something like that at ungodly hours of the morning and still sound mildly affronted.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>It’s too early to b witty right now, </span>
  </em>
  <span>he wrote, and he could practically imagine Suga’s eyes rolling on the other side of the screen. </span>
  <em>
    <span>But if u must k, I always think u look like an angel.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>He watched the little dots blink on the screen, expecting a long answer from the amount of time it was taking, but only a single word came back. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Dork. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>He cracked another smile at that. </p><p>
  <span>“Daichi? Are you up yet?” his mother called from downstairs, and his smile quickly vanished as he moved to turn his phone off. It was dumb and he knew it, considering she wasn’t even coming up here, but it had become reflexive at this point. </span>
</p><p>“I’m awake,” he called back. There seemed to be no sounds of footsteps on the stairs, so he opened Suga’s contact back up and quickly sent him two texts. </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I gtg get ready<br/></span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>happy anniversary &lt;3</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>He didn’t wait for a reply, instead dragging himself out of bed and dropping his phone into his bag so he wouldn’t forget it. He’d look at it again later, once he was at school, and there was no one to look over his shoulder and ask why he was smiling. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The club room was practically empty when he got there that afternoon, a welcome change from the usually loud chatter of the first and second years. He unlocked his phone to see if he’d missed anything important between lunch and now, and frowned when he saw the number of notifications he had. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Asahi had texted him last night saying he’d have to leave afternoon practice a little early, something about helping his uncle with something. It seems he’d then announced it on the chat, which was probably the worst thing he could've done, because now there were almost six hundred messages that Daichi barely understood a word of. He skipped over most of them before turning it back off, dropping it into his bag with a satisfying </span>
  <em>
    <span>thunk. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>That’s a problem for later, </span>
  </em>
  <span>he decided, and started to get changed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Not even two minutes had gone by when the rest of the team turned up, filling the quiet space with bickering and bad jokes. Suga gave him a smile that mirrored his own exasperated expression, before moving to the other side of the room to change. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No way!” he heard Hinata exclaim from inside his shirt, where he’d managed to put an arm into the wrong hole. Tsukishima rolled his eyes at the scene and turned away, but it was pretty clear most of the team was now listening. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t yell so loudly, you idiot,” Kageyama muttered from beside him, but Hinata didn’t seem to get the message. </span>
</p><p>“That’s so cool though! I didn’t know you could do that,” he continued, bringing his shirt over his head correctly and beaming up at Kageyama. The taller boy looked like he wanted nothing more than to sink into the ground. </p><p>
  <span>“Do what?” Tanaka asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Before he could answer Kageyama shoved a water bottle into his hands and stalked out of the room, Hinata scrambling to follow. </span>
</p><p>“I don’t get those two,” Ennoshita said, but most people had already lost interest. </p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ready to go?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga had been buzzing all through practice, Daichi recognising the extra energy as a mixture of excitement and anxiety. Now that it was finally over he looked more agitated than ever, but that didn’t stop a smile from spreading across his face as he saw Daichi coming down the steps from the clubroom. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t you look handsome with your hair all over the place?” he teased, and Daichi couldn’t help but look over his shoulder at the steps behind him. “Come on, relax. Everyone’s gone. Take the compliment.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He reached up to further mess up Daichi’s hair but his boyfriend ducked, frowning a little. “It’s sweaty.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So?” </span>
</p><p>His hands successfully landed in Daichi’s hair before he could react and ruffled it even further, both of them laughing as Daichi tried to get him back. </p><p>
  <span>“Stop moving!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga just laughed harder and dodged his hand again, and Daichi ended up giving up. As they continued to walk towards the school gates he caught sight of Suga’s face in the fading daylight, smile as radiant as the sun shining on it, and had to remind himself to breathe. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>It’s been two months and sometimes I still can’t believe I got this lucky. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>i edited this at 10pm on a friday and i think it shows. feel free to let me know what you think or if there’s any mistakes i should correct. </p><p>part 2 coming soon :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. two month anniversary, pt. 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>i should probably stop posting at ridiculous hours of the morning...</p><p>greetings!! part 2 as promised, even if it is a few hours behind schedule. haven’t managed to do a whole load of editing just yet so there may be a few mistakes, but that should be fixed shortly!</p><p>meanwhile, enjoy whatever this is :)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Suga’s fingers brushed his as they walked down the winding, narrow street, taking in the city lights below them. They’d made it a fair way up the mountain and he still had no idea where they were going, with Suga refusing to spoil the surprise. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Be patient,” he’d said. “It’s no fun if I just tell you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That had been ten minutes ago, and they looked no closer to reaching any kind of date-appropriate place. They just kept passing street upon street of houses, and somehow he doubted they were going to have their date in the middle of a residential area. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are we going to have a picnic on someone’s front lawn?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga rolled his eyes and grabbed his hand, taking a turn into a dimly lit street. The only light was coming from the front windows of the various little shops and houses, all still open in the late afternoon. It reminded him a little of where they first kissed, and thought maybe this is why Suga chose it.</span>
</p><p>“We’re almost there,” Suga said. “Just a little further.”</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When they finally stopped it was in front of a small restaurant, brightly lit but with a homey feel to it. Not the kind of thing you noticed if you were just passing by, but likely popular enough with the people living around here. Daichi wondered how Suga had even found it, hidden away as it was.</span>
</p><p>“Ta da,” his boyfriend said, holding his arm out dramatically. “See? The suspense didn’t kill you.”</p><p>
  <span>“It could’ve,” he retorted, but there were other things on his mind at that moment. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>If he was being honest, he didn’t love the the idea of spending their date around other people. Never had they done anything even vaguely romantic in a public space. What if someone saw them? Recognised them? They weren’t that far from school. What if strangers saw them holding hands and felt the need to say something?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But he wanted this. Wanted to have dinner with his boyfriend like any other couple and not be afraid. </span>
  <em>
    <span>There isn’t much that could go wrong, is there?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>His mind helpfully supplied him with all the ways that yes, this could go very wrong, but he swallowed that anxiety down and gave Suga a smile. </p><p>
  <span>“Should we go in?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga seemed to sense something was up. It was like he could read his mind sometimes, when he couldn’t find the words to tell Suga what he was thinking himself. Suga just knew. He gave Daichi’s hand a small squeeze, his favourite way of offering reassurance, and turned to face his boyfriend. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you trust me?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi nodded sincerely. Their hands slipped apart and Suga reached for the handle, pulling the door open easily, and little bell announcing their arrival jingled above the door.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just remember the moment you feel uncomfortable we can just go,” Suga added quietly as he passed, and the knowledge that he meant it eased Daichi’s nerves a little. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As soon as they walked in a million different scents hit him all at once, and he couldn’t help but be reminded of home. Of his mother’s cooking when he was younger, recipes from a cookbook they hadn’t opened in years. The place looked wonderful. Suga was wonderful. </span>
</p><p>“Gentlemen! Welcome,” a man said, coming out from a door labelled ‘staff only’. He was short and stout, with a greying moustache and black apron tied behind him, what Daichi could only assume was the restaurant name embroidered on the front. “Come with me.”</p><p>
  <span>He led them to a table at the back, in a little corner mostly hidden from the rest of the restaurant. There weren’t many customers in here anyways, Daichi noticed. Maybe it was still a little early for most people to be eating out. </span>
</p><p>“Thank you,” Suga said to the man, who gave him a warm smile as he reached into his apron pocket. He pulled out a lighter and held it up to the candle in the middle of the table, lighting it easily before stepping back to admire his work. </p><p>
  <span>“There,” he said proudly. “I know young love when I see it. Take a seat, someone’ll be by to bring you menus soon.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As he walked away, Daichi could only stare, red faced, not quite sure how he felt about this man knowing he and Suga were together. Suga seemed to be fine, however, laughing at Daichi’s dumbstruck expression as he pulled his chair out and sat down, so Daichi decided to follow his lead. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So? What do you think?”</span>
</p><p>Suga didn’t show it, but Daichi could tell he was nervous. “It’s perfect,” he said, and in a split-second decision he stretched his hand out, open for Suga to take it. His boyfriend did, smiling a little at the gesture. “How did you find this place anyways?”</p><p>
  <span>“My parents know the owners,” he said, glancing over at the man now speaking to a small family. “He and his husband set this place up a few years ago when they moved here. We used to eat here sometimes, when it was less busy. I guess now people have stopped caring as much if their food was made by two gay guys, or else they’ve mostly forgotten.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi wasn’t sure what to say to that, so he just squeezed Suga’s hand.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why do you think people hate us so much?” he asked quietly after a moment, not meeting Suga’s eyes. “What do they think is so wrong with it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga pursed his lips at the question, biting the corner of his mouth in thought. “I think they just find it easier to hate what they don’t understand. Understanding takes effort, and I guess a lot of people would rather stay ignorant than set aside their prejudices.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi nodded, but before he could say anything else, a much younger man approached them with two menus. They both straightened a little in their chairs and their hands slipped out of the loose hold they’d kept them in, which the young man clearly noticed but didn’t acknowledge. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Your menus,” he said, and gave them both a friendly smile. Suga took them and thanked him, with much less awkwardness than Daichi would’ve managed. “Let me know when you’re ready to order.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>With that he walked away, and Daichi’s eyes fell back to the spot where their hands had been. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He hated that he felt the need to do that. Recoil, move away. Like touching Suga was something dirty and wrong and he should be ashamed of himself for doing it in public. Hated that he’d expected the waiter to look disgusted, hated that his heart was beating a little faster. He loved Suga. He wasn’t ready to admit it, but he did. And it wasn’t wrong. Couldn’t be wrong. Something that felt this right couldn’t be so terrible. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>If you really believe that, why do you act so ashamed?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga seemed to read his mind, bringing his hand back to where it was, an offering of sorts. An </span>
  <em>
    <span>I want this, but it’s okay if you don’t. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Daichi could’ve easily ignored it. And this kind of little gesture is probably why he was completely head over heels for this boy. There was never any pressure to be something else around him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>His hand came to rest on top of Suga’s, and they shared a small smile before turning to their menus.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I do not understand how you can eat that,” Suga said, frowning as Daichi digs into his food.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s amazing. My mum used to make it when I was a kid,” Daichi said between mouthfuls, but Suga still looked skeptical. “It’s not like you can say anything. I can’t even name half of what you’re eating.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s called having taste,” Suga said, and Daichi almost snorted. You could call a lot of things about Suga tasteful, but certainly not his food choice. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Says the guy who thinks super spicy mapo tofu is a </span>
  <em>
    <span>culinary masterpiece</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I never said that!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes you did. At that corner place by the school, you said-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fine,” Suga interrupted, pouting. “But it’s still better than ramen.”</span>
</p><p>“Nothing is better than ramen.”</p><p>
  <span>Daichi’s serious expression lasted exactly eight seconds, and then they were both laughing again.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They talked about nothing in particular as they continued to eat, conversation flowing easily. Went from school work to upcoming tests to plans for the future, for the volleyball club, for life after Karasuno. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The restaurant had grown more busy around them, small families and couples being shown to the tables near them. Daichi didn’t mind, not at first, but when he felt the eyes of a couple and their little boy on them both, and caught the beginning of a whispered conversation, he suddenly started feeling a lot more self-conscious. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga, perfect as ever, recognised that it might be a good time to leave.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Want to stop by the corner shop and get ice lollies on the way home?” he asked, and Daichi gave him a grateful smile. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’d be perfect.”</span>
</p><p>Suga craned his neck to get a better view around Daichi, trying to catch the attention of a waiter so they could ask for the check. Daichi couldn’t help but smile at how normal this looked, felt… maybe they could do this again sometime. Somewhere no one knew them, and they could just be themselves. </p><p>
  <span>“Uh… Daichi?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His smile fell as he caught sight of Suga’s expression, feeling his stomach sink. Suga was staring over his shoulder, eyes wide and a little panicked, his hand slipping off the table to rest on his lap. Daichi turned around, expecting the very worst, and practically stopped breathing when he saw him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Asahi was standing just a few feet away, wearing the same black apron as the man from earlier, staring at them with an unreadable expression. Daichi’s chest began to constrict, blind panic ceasing him, and it was all he could do to maintain some level of composure as Asahi continued to stare, none of them moving. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>That’s it. It’s all over now. </span>
  </em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>i’m sorry!! (kind of)</p><p>hope you enjoyed that. i know it leaves it on a bit of a cliffhanger but... that’s part of the fun, right? hope you enjoyed!!</p><p>let me know what you thought, and chapter 7 should be coming soon!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. two month anniversary, pt. 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>welcome back!!</p><p>i am genuinely so sorry for how late this is. i usually barely have a week between chapters but this has almost been three. it’s been a little chaotic lately, and especially when i was writing the first part of this chapter had some family stuff to deal with. </p><p>but here we are!!</p><p>i have to say i don’t love it, but it was important for the story to continue, so i hope you enjoy anyways!!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Suga could tell that Daichi was one wrong move away from a panic attack, and that thought was so completely opposite to everything he’d come to think of him that he had no idea what to do. His first instinct was to reach out, hold his hand and remind him he was still here. But in this particular situation, such an obvious display might just make everything worse. </span>
</p><p>Asahi seemed to realise that he was just standing there and began to move towards them, awkwardly dodging a passing guy before finally reaching them. It was mortifying, watching him come over in almost slow motion, but Suga knew that he had to get his head on straight. Whatever he was feeling, Daichi was probably feeling it twice as bad. </p><p>
  <span>“Sorry, I… I just didn’t expect to see you guys here,” Asahi managed once he’d reached them, and Suga gave him as warm of a smile as he could manage. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, we… we weren’t expecting to run into anyone we know either.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Awkward didn’t quite cut it anymore. The tension was actually painful, and Daichi still hadn’t said a word. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Maybe coming here was a bad idea. Maybe he shouldn’t have chosen such a public space, shouldn’t have brought them somewhere he knew might-</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi ended up reaching out on his own, and their fingers only barely brushed but it was enough. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry. I’m interrupting something-” Asahi started, turning to leave, but a ringing phone seemed to stop him in his tracks. </span>
</p><p>“It’s mine,” Daichi said, fishing it out of his pocket, and his face only further blanched when he saw the name. “Suga, it’s my dad.”</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>My dad never calls, </span>
  </em>
  <span>he knew wasn’t added. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Words didn’t even begin to describe how much he hated the fear he saw in Daichi’s eyes, or what choice words he wanted to offer whoever put it there. He didn’t even care that Asahi was still here, his hand found his way onto Daichi’s and he held it firmly, waiting until he looked up. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Go take it. I’ll deal with everything else here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He nodded, getting up and pushing his chair in with his foot before grabbing his bag and answering the phone. Suga watched him go, concern only growing. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He’d even forgotten Asahi was still standing there until he cleared his throat, shifting his weight from foot to foot as if looking for an excuse to not just stand there. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You didn’t say anything, did you?” Suga asked, but somehow he knew he hadn’t. Asahi shook his head quickly, eyes widening. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No. I wouldn’t.” Suga nodded, as if to say </span>
  <em>
    <span>yeah, I know, </span>
  </em>
  <span>and his gaze wandered back to the window outside. Daichi’s outline could only just be seen on the other side of the glass, holding a phone to his ear. There was no way to tell how that was going. “Do you think he’s okay?”</span>
</p><p>Suga hadn’t been expecting the question. </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know,” he admitted, and saying the words out loud hurt more than he let on. “You can sit, you know. If you have time. I wouldn’t mind.”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>The company would be nice, </span>
  </em>
  <span>he didn’t add, dragging his eyes away from the window. Worrying would help no one. </span>
</p><p>Asahi complied, pulling up Daichi’s previously empty chair. He looked at the lit candle in the middle and laughed a little, and Suga did too. </p><p>
  <span>“He always does that. It’s embarrassing sometimes, but people seem to like it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You know the owners?” Suga asked, before realising that’s a dumb question. </span>
  <em>
    <span>He freakin’ works here. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Asahi nodded. “Yeah. My, uh… my uncles own the place. I was asked to help out today, after one of the new kids quit.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga was a little taken aback. Never would he have thought either of the two men who kept the place running could be related to Asahi. They were so… opposite. But he smiled anyways, because he was sure the great cooking and warmth made for interesting family gatherings. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Asahi didn’t seem to have anything to add to that. He glanced back at the window, and Suga followed his eyes. There was still nothing they could tell from here. He wanted nothing more than to go out there and be with his boyfriend, but space was probably the best thing he could offer at this moment. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So…” Asahi started, changing the subject. Suga was glad he was taking some initiative in taking the conversation somewhere. “How long have you two been-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Two months.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Two months?”</span>
</p><p>He didn’t sound weirded out. Or anything unpleasant, really. Maybe a little surprised. And as tentative as it was, the teasing was unmissable in his smile. </p><p>
  <span>“I thought it’d been longer.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga could only gape, more than a little taken aback. He worried, briefly, if anyone else had managed to catch on, but then Asahi’s expression turned more serious. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry. I’m kidding. I honestly had no idea.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He actually looked a little scared, so Suga offered him a reassuring smile. His heart hadn’t ceased its incessant beating, but nothing to be done about that. “It’s okay, really.”</span>
</p><p>None of this is how he expected this evening to go. At least Daichi had stopped pacing outside. It didn’t look like his phone was still at his ear, and Suga couldn’t decide if that was a good sign or not. </p><p>“So you don’t think the team suspects anything?” he asked eventually, wanting to at least get an answer to that before he went outside to check on his boyfriend. </p><p>
  <span>“I think you would’ve heard from them if they thought something was going on.” Asahi said, and Suga laughed a little in agreement. That was very true. “But I won’t tell anyone. I get that not everyone is…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga glanced again out of the window and nodded. “Yeah. Thanks.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>By the time Suga managed to pay and exit the restaurant he was confident enough time had passed for Daichi to gather his thoughts. He expected him to be waiting against a wall with his arms crossed, a position Daichi always adopted when he was feeling a lot and didn’t want to talk about it, so Suga was more than a little surprised to find him sitting on the sidewalk, feet on the road as he fiddled absently with his phone. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Daichi?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His boyfriend looked up, and Suga was sure his eyes were a little glassy. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi ignored the question in favour of standing up, pocketing his phone and dusting off his trousers. He wasn’t okay. Suga knew he wasn’t okay, and he wasn’t sure what to do about it. He wasn’t sure if he should even ask what it was about. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi’s father didn’t call. Whatever it had been, it must’ve been serious. Suga wanted to hold him, have him talk about whatever had clearly just happened without reservations, but he couldn’t force that. He couldn’t force Daichi to talk anymore than he could force his parents to be accepting. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>So instead he slipped their hands together, trying to convey it all in a single squeeze, before letting it drop once more. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you need to be home?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi shook his head. “No,” he answered quietly. “Not for a while.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga turned to him, eyes widening a little, trying to confirm that that meant what it seemed to. Daichi didn’t look at him. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Fuck. Did they…</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not like that,” he amended quickly, and Suga relaxed a little. “They didn’t… they don’t know.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That resolves the most pressing concern. </span>
</p><p>“Should we just walk for a while?”</p><p>
  <span>Daichi gives him a tight smile, a silent </span>
  <em>
    <span>okay,</span>
  </em>
  <span> before stuffing one hand in his pocket and bringing the other to hold his backpack strap. Suga adjusted his own bag and started walking back towards the way they came, his boyfriend falling in beside him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It felt like they’d done this before. That night walking home, Daichi had worn the same troubled expression he was supporting now, always on the verge of saying something but biting it back before he could open his mouth. It was a little painful, waiting for Daichi to come to him, but Suga was patient. He could wait. </span>
</p><p>Eventually, Daichi spoke. </p><p>
  <span>“How did, uh… how did Asahi take it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He didn’t sound quite right. There was an edge to his voice, thick with emotions Suga couldn’t name. It was strange, in a way, to see him so clearly fragile. So close to breaking, shattering, falling to pieces right before him. </span>
</p><p>His fingers longed to reach out, give Daichi some form of comfort, but he willed them to remain at his side. The streets were quiet, but not deserted. </p><p>
  <span>“Really well. He was surprised, I think, but then he even got to teasing me a little. We don’t have to worry.” Daichi’s smile mirrored his own, if only briefly, before falling once more.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The moonlight cast a ghostly reflection on the city below, and from where they were they could see most of the prefecture. It looked so small, so far. Like they weren’t even in the same plane of existence, instead just watching the world turn from above. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My dad called to find out where I was.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga turned to him but said nothing. Daichi’s hands were planted firmly in his pockets, his gaze fixed on some neighbourhood below. Shadows clung to his face, broken only by the pale light. He looked a little ethereal. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’d told my parents I was gonna go study at Yui’s house, but they must’ve called to check and…” His gaze came down to his shoes. “They were so </span>
  <em>
    <span>proud. </span>
  </em>
  <span>My dad especially. I’ve never heard him so pleased.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga inched closer so their shoulders were pressed against each other, but didn’t dare go further. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He said I was finally becoming a man. Told me good for me, for getting myself a girl and taking her out. Wasn’t even mad I’d lied.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His voice was growing shakier, quieter. Still, he kept his gaze resolutely on the ground. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Said he was glad that I… I was normal.”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Normal. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>The word was pronounced bitterly, but one look at his face told Suga he wasn’t really angry. Disappointed, maybe, but not angry. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga found tears in his eyes, the firm hold of his teeth on his lower lip the only thing keeping them from spilling over. There was nothing that could stop the rage burning in his chest at the sight of Daichi so… hurt. So broken. He didn’t even know where to put this rage, where to direct it when there was nothing specific to mad at. He was angry at the world, for imposing their ideas of what love should be, for causing them to question and hide and feel ashamed of themselves. Nothing about what he and Daichi had could be wrong. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Barely a whisper, not nearly enough to express what he was trying to. There was too much he wanted to say. So much he wanted to change, just so he could never see Daichi so broken. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I’m sorry the world hates us. Sorry I took you out here tonight. Sorry I didn’t realise we could’ve run into someone, could’ve been seen, as much as I hate to hide you… I don’t want to see you hurt. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry,” he repeated. </span>
</p><p>Daichi caved. </p><p>
  <span>It wasn’t like he’d never seen Daichi cry. They’d been friends for years; won games together, lost games together, endured the daily pressures of life and high school together. But he’d never seen Daichi cry like this. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even when he’d cried before, he’d always maintained some measure of composure. A dignity to it, the silent tears always seeming to magnify his strength rather than allude weakness. He never looked vulnerable as he did now, fragile and breakable and so incredibly </span>
  <em>
    <span>hurt. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Suga could tell he was trying not to sob, not to make a sound and disturb the still night, but there was too much feeling there to keep it all at bay. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It took only one quick glance around to see they were alone. No one coming from either side of the street, no cars approaching or crossing the other road at the end. His fingers reached out to wrap themselves around Daichi’s, and he savoured the steady warmth as Daichi squeezed his hand, not hard (never hard) but firmly. He pulled his boyfriend towards him, bringing his other hand to rest on Daichi’s neck, and pulled his head down carefully so it was resting on his shoulder. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi didn’t try and hold back. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga’s fingers played with his hair, running soothing circles on the base of his skull, the back of his head. He held Daichi as he shook, saying nothing. Some moments didn’t call for words, and this was one of them. </span>
</p><p>He wished tonight had gone better. Felt a little guilty, when Daichi’s dates had always been so perfect, so amazingly sweet. But he also couldn’t bring himself to regret it, because he understood what it meant to see Daichi laid so bare, to see him so openly vulnerable. </p><p>
  <span>Trust. Complete, unreserved trust. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Someday, he’d marry this boy. But Daichi didn’t need to know that yet. </span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>chapter eight coming soon. thank you to everyone who’s been following this so far, and all the feedback you’ve given. it means so much to know people are enjoying this &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. siblings and old friends</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Haruo and Yusei are back, and Daichi gets a chance to talk to Yui</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>i’m back!!</p><p>it hasn’t been that long but it feels like forever. this chapter is twice as long as normal and might feel a little fragmented (I wrote chunks then put it together to form some semblance of fluency) but it needed to happen, so I hope you enjoy :)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Daichi didn’t talk to his parents when he got home later that night. </span>
</p><p>They were both in the living room, watching something on the TV, and they both smiled up at him as he walked past. The first genuinely proud look he’s seen from either of them since he made volleyball captain, and from his father…</p><p>
  <span>He doesn’t think about the last time his father looked proud of him. </span>
</p><p>They told him there were leftovers in the fridge, if he was hungry, but he said he wasn’t. Neither of them said anything else. He preferred it this way, he thought, that at least he didn’t have to pretend to have a girlfriend, didn’t have to lie about where he’d been. It was definitely better this way. Easier. </p><p>
  <span>Some part of him also kind of wished they cared enough to ask how it’d gone, but he shut that train of thought down before it could go anywhere. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His bag dropped with a soft </span>
  <em>
    <span>thunk</span>
  </em>
  <span> on the floor near his bed, and he flopped onto it without changing out of his clothes. The phantom feeling of Suga’s hand in his was still there, steady and warm, and he allowed himself a small smile as he thought of their night. Two months. </span>
  <em>
    <span>It’s been two months. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>They’d gotten ice cream after all. Ice lollies from a corner shop on the way home, strawberry and lemon for him and Suga respectively. And maybe he did ruin the night a little by breaking down, but Suga had been all soft smiles and reassurances, and it had been sweet. Not horribly romantic, but sweet. </p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And then there was Asahi, but he wasn’t ready to think about that just yet. Wanted to believe Suga when he said it was okay, they didn’t have to worry. He didn’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>want</span>
  </em>
  <span> to have to worry. Asahi knowing was a problem he’d have to tackle tomorrow. But for now…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Daichi?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He scrambled up so fast he felt a little dizzy, but it wasn’t his father at the door. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yusei,” he managed. “Aren’t you supposed to be asleep?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His brother was standing awkwardly at the door, holding onto the door handle as if ready to pull it closed again. He looked okay, if only a little sheepish, and Daichi relaxed a little. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What do you want? It’s late and you have school tomorrow.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yusei frowned, coming forward to lean against the doorframe. “So do you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well I’m older, aren’t I? I can sleep later.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He didn’t seem to have a reply to that. Daichi flopped back onto the bed, running his hands over his face, and released a long breath. It had been a long day; too long, even. But he didn’t want to snap, not when he’d been gone most of the evening and his brothers rarely ever came and talked to him.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>They have nothing to do with Ma and Dad, </span>
  </em>
  <span>he reminded himself. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did you need something?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He was clearly holding back a smile. “Well…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A stumbling noise from somewhere behind him interrupted him, and Yusei turned to shush the empty corridor. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Great. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>“Is there a reason you two are sneaking around instead of telling me what you’re doing here?”</p><p>
  <span>Yusei sighed. Finally he opened the door fully, to reveal Haruo behind him.</span>
</p><p>“Sorry, Daichi,” Yusei said, but Haruo wasted no time in coming in and jumping onto the bed. </p><p>
  <span>“Ma said you got a girlfriend,” he stated simply. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Oh. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>There was none of the same pride his parents held at saying those words. Only cautious curiosity, and a little cheek. </p><p>
  <span>“She did, did she?” </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>How much did she say? </span>
  </em>
  <span>he didn’t ask. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah. She said that’s why you weren’t at Michimiya’s house.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He wasn’t sure what to say to that. Yusei had joined him on the bed, perched on the end instead of sprawled across it like his twin, and Daichi sat up to make room for them. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I shouldn’t have lied to Ma,” he went with. Best to try avoid the whole girlfriend topic. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t think Ma minded.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There was a beat of silence where Daichi could only stare at his brother, hoping he hadn’t made any kind of connection between his parents’ reaction and what he’d supposedly been out doing, but Haruo interrupted before that train of thought got anywhere. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So? Were you on a date tonight?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They were both staring at him, expecting some kind of answer. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I… was.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Both their faces lit up. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Technically not a lie, </span>
  </em>
  <span>he kept repeating in his head. He wasn’t sure why he felt guilty about this; it’s not like he could explain what he had with Suga to his brothers any more than he could tell his parents. But talking about being out with a girl felt a little like cheating, and he knew it was dumb but it bothered him. </span>
</p><p>“Did you kiss?” Yusei asked immediately, shuffling forward, and Haruo just made a face. </p><p>
  <span>“We did.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Was it good?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Eww!” Haruo shouted, bringing his hands up to cover his ears, and Daichi almost laughed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not answering that.” Yusei looked disappointed, but nodded when Haruo made another face.  </span>
</p><p>“Did you hold hands a lot?”</p><p>
  <span>A puking noise from Haruo, and Yusei elbowed his side. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Cut it out, you two,” Daichi said. “It’s late, and what I was doing is none of your business. Both of you to bed, there will be no more questions tonight.”</span>
</p><p>He watched them get off the bed reluctantly, Haruo making a point of dragging his feet as he walked towards the door. He stopped there, just before he walked out after Yusei, and turned back around. </p><p>
  <span>“What was her name?”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>His name was Suga, and he’s my boyfriend, and yes boys can like boys, and no it’s not weird or wrong or disgusting and-</span>
  </em>
</p><p>“I told you, no more questions. Go to sleep.”</p><p>
  <span>The door closed behind them and Daichi closed his eyes, willing his mind to shut up for a bit. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maybe someday he could explain it all to them. </span>
</p><p>Maybe he’ll find a time where it won’t be too late, and they won’t hate him like his parents will. </p><p>
  <span>(He wasn’t exactly hopeful). </span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>His dad called him a real man the whole way through breakfast, and Daichi felt sick. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ma was less obvious about it, but it was just as bad. Winked at him as he came in, found ways to casually ask if he’d been safe last night. </span>
  <em>
    <span>(We didn’t do anything, Ma. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Of course not, honey)</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>And he wasn’t sure how much the twins followed, but even their naivety had limits. Neither of his parents were being subtle. He just hoped they didn’t pick up on how uncomfortable he looked, something his parents had either truly not noticed or were pointedly ignoring. </span>
</p><p>So it was understandable that he was in a terrible mood by the time he set off for school, only marginally improved by Suga’s good morning kiss. He wanted to punch something, or work off all this restless energy on something productive, but there was nothing to do but head to his first lesson and sit. Suga asked if he was okay and he just shrugged and kept walking, and he wasn’t asked again. </p><p>
  <span>There was no morning practice that day, which he was pissed at but at least he didn’t have to see anyone just yet. Didn’t have to deal with Asahi, however that might turn out, or risk being too curt with the first years. Suga still found him at break and sat next to him, talking about something he only half paid attention to but appreciated anyway, but they parted for their lessons too soon for either of their likings. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I was asked to tutor last minute, </span>
  </em>
  <span>Suga’s text read as he headed out to lunch.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It wasn’t a question, exactly, but Daichi knew he was asking anyway. </span>
</p><p><em><span>It’s fine, go help the kid study. We can do lunch tmrw, </span></em><span>he texted back. It registered as read immediately, and Suga started typing before it </span>even sent properly. </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I don’t have to</span>
  </em>
</p><p>And then,</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I can tell them I’m busy</span>
  </em>
</p><p>Daichi did consider telling him to cancel, to come have lunch so he could go back to feeling some inch of normalcy, but that would be unfair to both Suga and whatever kid was currently failing. Besides, he wasn’t so sure he could pretend normal was an option right now. </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I can spend one lunch without u</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>He closed it after that, despite it buzzing in his pocket almost immediately. He’d have time to read whatever witty remark Suga had sent later. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Daichi found an empty corner of the school grounds and settled himself there, unwilling to join his classmates just then. He didn’t think he could make conversation while knowing what they’d think if they knew about him, about Suga. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Normal. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>He wasn’t, and he wasn’t sure how to feel about it anymore. There were days where he couldn’t be prouder, couldn’t be madder that people thought it was wrong and gross. But sometimes he felt like maybe all the hate was deserved. That he deserved it, for feeling the things he did. Not Suga. Never Suga, he didn’t deserve anything those people said. But maybe he did.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>(It didn’t make sense and he knew it, but it was something he’d found himself thinking a lot lately)</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He’d lost track of how long he’d sat there when someone came up and joined him on the grass, too close to not have intentionally sat beside him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Aren’t you going to eat?”</span>
</p><p>It was Yui. He should’ve been expecting this, her coming up to talk about last night. And part of him was glad she was here, because he needed his oldest friend right about now, but part of him was also dreading the conversation they were inevitably about to have. </p><p>
  <span>“Not hungry,” he said. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And maybe he should’ve made more of an effort hiding his terrible mood. Maybe he should’ve smiled a little, made some conversation, delayed this discussion a little. But it was Yui, and he’d known her forever, and he was really getting tired of pretending. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You should eat anyways,” she said, and when he made no move to touch his food, she changed tactics. “Are you going to tell me where you were last night and why you had to lie to your parents about it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He finally met her eyes at that, trying to find the courage to just do it. Come out to her like he’d been wanting to for years, ever since he figured it out and knew his parents weren’t an option. And with her steady gaze right back on him, he decided there wasn’t going to be a better moment.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I was on a date,” he said quietly.</span>
</p><p>She frowned. “A date? Why did you have to say you were at my house if it was just a date?”</p><p>
  <span>He forced himself to keep looking at her, despite wanting nothing more than to stare back at his lap. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because I… I was on a date with Suga.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It clearly took her a second to get it. Her face twisted into a small frown, then a look of realisation, and then a softer expression he could quite name. He kept looking at her, eyes darting over her face and trying to figure out what she was going to say next, but she didn’t seem to be reacting all that badly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re dating Suga?” she asked carefully, and he shifted back just a little. Enough that there was now a good foot of space between them. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,” he said, and watched her lips form a small smile. “What?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re dating Suga!” She easily closed the space between them, coming up to bump his shoulder playfully. “Lucky bastard.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Where had </span>
  <em>
    <span>that</span>
  </em>
  <span> kind of language come from?</span>
</p><p>“Yui!”</p><p>
  <span>“Well he is, isn’t he? Who wouldn’t want a piece of Kurasano’s volleyball captain?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He could already feel face turning an unnatural shade of pink. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Yui!”</span>
  </em>
  
</p><p>
  <span>She giggled, and he couldn’t help but laugh a little too. </span>
  <em>
    <span>This was going so much better than he’d hoped. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>“So…” she said after a while, and the seriousness immediately sobered them both up. “Does this mean you’re…”</p><p>
  <span>“Gay.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The word took up an uncomfortable amount of space between them. Hung in the air, and she made no move to acknowledge it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He was just about to say something, </span>
  <em>
    <span>anything </span>
  </em>
  <span>to break the silence, when she blinked. “Okay.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay?”</span>
</p><p>“Well, yeah” she said, nudging him again. “What was I supposed to do, stop being your best friend? I won’t pretend I know a whole lot about it, but… it’s okay. It’s not like we ever talked about anything date related anyways.”</p><p>
  <span>He swallowed down the lump in his throat. “Yeah.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And maybe we could start,” she continued. “You can finally offer your opinion when I ask you whether guys are hot instead of awkwardly dismissing the question. And I can find out what your type is!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He frowned. “I have a boyfriend.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A boyfriend</span>
  <em>
    <span>,”</span>
  </em>
  <span> she repeated, like it was something she’d have to get used to saying. “I always thought you’d come to me for girl advice, but now we’re both in the same boat trying to figure out boys.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi allowed himself a smile. “It’s not that hard.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well you’re a guy, aren’t you? You have an advantage here.” He didn’t feel the need to respond to that, and she clearly wasn’t expecting an answer because she’d reached across him to grab his lunch, opening the brown paper bag and peering inside. “Your mum packed a cookie.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The cookies were almost always reserved for the twins. Too old to be eating chocolate chips, his dad always claimed. He wondered if this had anything to do with last night. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Take it, if you want.”</span>
</p><p>Her eyes narrowed, and for a moment he thought she might question him, but she seemed to decide getting a cookie was better than figuring out why he was so willing to give it to her. </p><p>
  <span>He still hadn’t touched his lunch. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do your parents know?” she asked, once the cookie was gone and the tinfoil it had been wrapped in was squished beyond recognition. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She wasn’t looking at him. If she had been, his incredulous expression would’ve been answer enough. “Are you kidding?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, that was probably a silly question.” They’d both heard his father talk about gay people. Had more than a few choice words to offer, none of them particularly pleasant. “Do you really think they’d take it that badly?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi scoffed. Actually scoffed, and she turned a little to look at him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My parents thought I was out with a girl yesterday, and I’ve never seen them prouder. Dad actually told me he was glad I was </span>
  <em>
    <span>normal</span>
  </em>
  <span> over the phone last night. I’d be surprised if they didn’t disown me.”</span>
</p><p>It took more effort than he let on to say that without his voice breaking, but it was the bluntest truth. No use in denying it - his parents loved the idea of him, the athletic young man with good grades and a girlfriend. Not the part of him that liked boys, that had a boyfriend, that was gay. </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Gay. </span>
  </em>
  <span>His father would probably have different words to describe him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry,” Yui said. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He couldn’t imagine why she’d decided to say that. “For what?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“For you parents being sucky. For all the people who are going to hate you your whole life just for loving. For not noticing and letting you think I might be one of those people.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He gave her a tight smile, because there wasn’t anything to say to that. People </span>
  <em>
    <span>were </span>
  </em>
  <span>going to hate him for existing. And there was very little he would be able to do to change that. But maybe if the people who mattered were on his side, it wouldn’t be so bad. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Does this mean you’ll start talking to me instead of avoiding eighty percent of conversations about how you’ve been?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He just rolled his eyes and elbowed her lightly, ignoring her question. 

And if reached for his food, willing to at least try and eat something, maybe that was just the relief of knowing his oldest friend was okay with him making him less nauseous. </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>i think that just about concludes all the angst the last few chapters have been built around.</p><p>thanks to everyone who’s still following along, and if you have any ideas for what the boys can do or what you want to see feel free to leave a comment!!</p><p>(ps.<br/>yui is awesome)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. perhaps someday</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>welcome back!!</p><p>i’m gonna have some time over the next few days so updates will probably be much more frequent. </p><p>this chapter is pretty sweet and the next one will be too. there are some things that need to be set it place before it all goes wrong again, and it’s always nice to get a break from the angst with some good old fluff. </p><p>hope you guys enjoy!!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>It turned out having a fake girlfriend wasn’t terrible, once you got used to the idea. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>For one, he could now go out with Suga whenever he felt like it. No more excuses or coming home too early for either of their liking; he could come back at ten and his parents wouldn’t even bat an eye, only occasionally asking if he’d been safe. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>(The fact that they cared more about him getting someone pregnant than about how the date had gone should’ve said a lot, but he didn’t think too hard about it). </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He and Suga had spent an entire afternoon talking about what to call his mystery girlfriend, because </span>
  <em>
    <span>“she can’t just not have a name, Daichi, it’d be weird”.</span>
  </em>
  <span> They roped Yui into it about two hours in, and after a more than awkward initial introduction of </span>
  <em>
    <span>Yui, this is my boyfriend, and Suga... yeah, Yui knows, </span>
  </em>
  <span>the three of them had gone through every baby name website they could find to try and get the perfect name. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They’d ended up abandoning that attempt and just settling down in his room to watch a movie, and with it being a Saturday none of them had anywhere in particular to be. The twins were at a birthday party and his parents had lunch with some old family friends, so Daichi brought some snacks up and let Suga settle against his chest before putting on the first sappy romcom Netflix recommended for them. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was nice, staying like this. Yui was crying by the end of it and even Daichi had tears in his eyes, which Suga didn’t miss. There was no teasing, surprisingly enough, only a fond smile and a packet of tissues that somehow materialised in his hands. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>His parents came home just as they’d decided to play Mario Kart. Yui was winning (he hated admitting it, but Yui </span>
  <em>
    <span>was </span>
  </em>
  <span>better at this than he was) and Suga wasn’t far behind, despite insisting he wasn’t very good. Ma took one look at the three of them and only smiled, and for the first time in years her eyes didn’t linger on Suga. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That’s cheating!” Yui cried out, trying to wiggle away from where Daichi had just sandwiched her between him and the bed, but the attempt was pretty futile. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How is enjoying the company of an old friend cheating?” he asked with a grin, and she just about managed to elbow him in the ribs. “Ow.”</span>
</p><p>She elbowed him a little harder and he moved back. “Serves you right. Keeping me from playing properly is the very definition of cheating.”</p><p>He didn’t have a response to that, not when Suga had just passed them both and was so close to winning. Probably should’ve taken into account that his boyfriend was surprisingly good at this before he’d gone and distracted them both. </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Daichi,”</span>
  </em>
  <span> Yui groaned as Suga inevitably came in first. “Can’t believe we lost to your rookie boyfriend.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He cringed a little at how loud it came out, but said nothing. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What can I say? I’m a fast learner.”</span>
</p><p>Daichi made a show of scoffing a little, which earned him another elbow to the ribs.</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Ow. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“Love. It took you four weeks to figure out how to open your locker.”</span>
</p><p>“That was three years ago!”</p><p>
  <span>“My point still stands.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga just rolled his eyes, a halfhearted attempt at looking annoyed, but his pink ears were indication enough that he didn’t really mean it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wait…” Yui cut in, “were </span>
  <em>
    <span>you </span>
  </em>
  <span>the kid who kept all his books in his bag for a month in our first year?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga groaned, blush deepening and spreading past his collar, and honestly Daichi was starting to feel a little hot in this room. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please don’t remind me,” Suga said, and Yui giggled. “How does everyone even remember that still? It was ages ago.”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Not that long ago, </span>
  </em>
  <span>Daichi wanted to say. It felt like just yesterday he was sitting behind a grey-haired, scrawny boy with half a library in his messenger bag. He thought maybe he’d liked Suga from that very moment, even if he wouldn’t realise it for a long time. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No one talked about anything else for that entire first month at school,” Yui started, and god, Daichi very vividly remembered the jokes. “Besides, Daichi wouldn’t stop talking about you for weeks after that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Wait, what?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“Aw, you talked about me?” Suga asked sweetly, nudging Daichi with his shoulder, but the burning of Daichi’s cheeks seemed to be preventing him from responding.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He did,” Yui continued, a devilish smirk spreading across her face. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>So much. </span>
  </em>
  <span>He wouldn’t-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yui,” he said lowly, hopefully just threateningly enough that she’d never bring it up again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come on, Daichi. I think it’s kinda cute that you were obsessed with me right from the start.”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Obsessed. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Should definitely be illegal to make him feel so flustered. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shut up,” is all he could come up with as a retort. “Both of you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga and Yui exchanged a look he definitely did not like. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They switched to a different game after that, a motorbike racing game with bad graphics but a fairly straightforward concept. It only allowed two people to play at once, though, so they had to take it in turns. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi beat them all easily, having spent hours racing his brothers on this game last Christmas, and eventually stepped back to watch Yui and Suga play each other. Neither of them noticed him taking a few photos of their epic defeats. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How do you get this stupid bike to not flip over at this turn?” Suga asked, and Yui just laughed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Patience,” Daichi said, before adding with a smirk, “and mad skills, of course.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga looked more than a little disbelieving. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Here,” he said, putting his hands over Suga’s to show him where to press. “Don’t accelerate so much on the bit leading up to it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He could feel Yui’s eyes on them. Knew she was staring, trying to figure something out. But Suga hadn’t noticed and he didn’t really feel like acknowledging it, so he just ignored her. She’d bring it up later, probably. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yui did have to leave eventually, though, having been called back next door to help with something, but Suga was allowed to stay for dinner. Daichi had just barely scraped a fourth win in a row when they were called down to eat, and from the few seconds of silence that followed Suga had the same worries he did. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It doesn’t have to be weird,” he tried, but even to his own ears it didn’t sound very convincing. He kept going nonetheless. “It’s just dinner. And my parents think we’re friends.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s not gonna make it un-weird,” Suga said, drawing circles on the palm of his hand as he talked. “But you’re right. It’s just dinner.”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Dinner where we’ll be eating with your homophobic parents who think we’re both straight and that you have a girlfriend and would probably flip out if they knew we were dating, </span>
  </em>
  <span>was probably best left unsaid. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It didn’t end up being awful, though. And sure, maybe it was a little awkward at first, but the twins more than made up for it in enthusiasm as they recounted the party. It didn’t leave much space for awkwardness, not when Suga was such a natural at talking to them and his parents were both happy to make their own conversation at the end of the table. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s your favourite dinosaur, Suga-san?” Haruo asked, excitement written all over his face, and Yusei shot him a look. “Mine’s the Velociraptor.”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Ah yes, my brother’s dinosaur obsession. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“Big kids don’t like dinosaurs,” Yusei whispered at him. Daichi frowned, about to interject, but Suga beat him to it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s not true. There’s a guy on our volleyball team that loves dinosaurs.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Haruo’s face lit up. “Really?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah. Tsukishima, he’s a middle blocker. If you ever get to meet him, he’d probably love to talk about it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi tries to hold back a laugh at the mental image of Tsukishima and his ten year old brother getting excited about dinosaur trivia, and Suga sends him a smile as if he knows exactly what he’s thinking about. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think dinosaurs are kinda lame,” Yusei says, and at least has the decency to look apologetic when Haruo turns to him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If you ever get to see one, I hope it eats you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi had never seen him look so serious. Even Yusei looked a little scared, watching his usually bright-eyed and excitable twin glare at him the way he was. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Haruo! We’ve talked about saying things like that to your brother,” Ma started, but Daichi could only think about how proud Tsukishima would be if he could’ve heard him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The meal went pretty smoothly after that. Daichi’s parents did ask some questions but they were all innocent and fairly unthreatening, like how he was finding school and where he planned to go after they graduated. Suga admitted he hadn’t given it too much thought and even the responses to that were fairly mild, something Daichi was pleasantly surprised by. Suga was a natural conversationalist and great at making potentially awkward conversations non-awkward, and really he shouldn’t have been worried. Suga was great. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Some part of him started wondering if this is what it’d be like if his parents were okay with him. He could bring Suga over whenever and they’d get along just as they are now, with his father looking mildly impressed by his work ethic and the twins interrupting with only half relevant questions. The whole thing was so perfectly normal, so easy and effortless, that Daichi allowed himself to believe one day it might happen. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Someday… someday I’ll tell my parents I have a boyfriend and they’ll smile, and they won’t be perfect but they’ll try their best. It won’t be weird, and I won’t be any more scared than I’d be if a girlfriend was meeting them for the first time. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was a futile hope and he knew it, but he held onto it nonetheless. </span>
</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>you made it!<br/>(can you tell i’m running out of ways to start the end notes?)</p><p>next chapter will be suga again. thank you so much to everyone who’s been following along so far, and a special thank you to everyone who’s left a comment under a chapter letting me know what they think. it’s amazing to know there are people out there genuinely enjoying this. </p><p>have a great rest of your day!!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. babysitting pt. 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>guess who has not in fact fallen off the face of the earth!! </p><p>it’s only been three weeks but it still feels like forever. i know i said i’d have more time but then unforeseen circumstances changed that so...</p><p>but i’m here! this chapter was wayyyy too long to post as one thing so here is part 1 and part 2 will be out as soon as i’m done writing. </p><p>enjoy :)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Suga woke up to his phone ringing, an old picture of Daichi from a game back in second year lighting up his screen. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey,” he said, sitting up in bed and trying to blink himself awake. It wasn’t even nine yet. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Suga, hey. I was just wondering if-” His boyfriend stopped abruptly. “Shit, did I wake you?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s fine,” he chuckled. “Nothing like being up at half eight on a Sunday.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A sound somewhere between mortification and an awkward laugh came from the other end, and he was sure Daichi was embarrassed even if he really didn’t mind being awoken. The thought made him smile but he lay off the teasing for a while, if only to ensure Daichi didn’t overthink this later. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So what were you wondering?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi clears his throat before answering. “Oh yeah, uh… my parents are going out later and wanted me to babysit the twins. I asked them and they’re cool with you coming over and keeping me company, if you want.” And then, much further away from the phone, “Haruo! Put that down before you take his eye out.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga laughed. “Sounds like you could use the help,” he said. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, they’re a handful. But I’ll manage if you’d rather go back to sleep.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His tone was light but the offer was genuine, Suga knew. Which made him want to question what Daichi was on, because no way was he missing an afternoon of looking after the Sawamura twins with his boyfriend. “If you think my answer is anything but yes, you clearly don’t know me well enough.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi’s laugh was something he wished he could never stop hearing. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay then. My parents are leaving at ten, so show up sometime after that.” Some talking in the background, and Daichi added, “Ma says it’s very sweet of you to agree to this, and that she’ll leave cookies out for us all later.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ah yes, the infamous cookie. “I can’t wait to try them.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Trust me, you won’t be disappointed.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They hung up a little after that, and Suga dropped his phone back onto his bedside table. It was still far too early to be doing anything, but something about staying in bed and potentially falling asleep again didn't sit right with him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He went instead to the bathroom, taking a long, hot shower and enjoying the feel of the water falling over him and the smell of his shampoo. Coconut, Daichi’s favourite. He’d bought it especially after his boyfriend mentioned it. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Did you… change your shampoo? </span>
  </em>
  <span>Daichi had asked him a few weeks back, when they’d found themselves back at the old children’s park late one night. He’d been snuggled into the crook of Daichi’s neck, enjoying the warmth and comfort that came from being engulfed by such strong arms. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>You mentioned you liked the smell of coconut, </span>
  </em>
  <span>he’d mumbled back, and just about caught the reddening of his boyfriend’s cheeks. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Coming out of the shower he quickly slipped on some underwear and jeans, the kind he usually wore to hang around the house. He picked out a jacket to wear over his shirt and set it aside for now, seeing no point putting it on if he was just going to sit around for a while. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The TV turned on in the next room, and he sat back down onto his bed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>His room wasn’t the biggest, but after seven years nothing felt more like home. There were pictures on the walls from his middle school games and older ones of him and his mum, when he was little and they still lived in a house with his father. He’d kept some old drawings, too, and though he’d never been exceptionally good at art, they gave a little colour to the room. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>(He’d thought about taking them down but Daichi had looked so impressed when he’d first seen them, back when they’d only just become friends.)</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Maybe I should draw more,</span>
  </em>
  <span> he thought, before a knock at his door made him look up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Honey?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He startled a little; the house was usually so quiet he could hear anyone coming. But it was just his mum, and the TV was still on in the next room, so he gave her a smile and relaxed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Morning,” he said. </span>
</p><p>She held her mug of tea a little closer to her chest and looked him over, suspicion and a hint of smugness tugging at the corners of her mouth. </p><p>
  <span>“Are you going somewhere I should know about?”</span>
</p><p>He’d kind of forgotten he was overdressed for a Sunday morning. </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, uh… Daichi asked if I could go help him babysit his brothers. Is that okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She came fully into the room instead of answering, perching herself on the bed beside him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“When have I ever stopped you from hanging out with him?” she said, and smiled into her drink as she took a long sip. “You two seem like very good friends.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His gaze fell to his hands at that. For the longest time it’d been just him and his mother, and she’d made him promise when he was eight that he’d tell her about anything important in his life, and she in turn promised to always listen. He hated keeping secrets from her, he really did, especially when it was something that made him so happy. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi made him so happy. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, before you go, we should probably get some breakfast in you,” she said, bringing one hand up to ruffle his hair as she stood. “I’ll go make some waffles. Set the table, yeah?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Soon enough the smell of breakfast filled their little apartment, and he was sat on a stool by the counter as she leaned against the sink to eat. He mostly just listened to her talk about the baking show playing in the room next door, happy to not have to offer too much input of his own. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh yes,” she started after a while, starting to wash their empty plates. “Your father called last night.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga knew that tone, and it never meant anything good coming from his mum. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What did he want?”</span>
</p><p>“To reconnect with you, mostly.” She took an unnecessarily long time to dry their plates. “He said he wants to see you in person.”</p><p>
  <span>The thought of being in the same room as his father didn’t sit very well with him, but he had to admit he’s a little curious. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why doesn’t he just call? It’s what he’s done every time a guilty conscience strikes him so far.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She doesn’t answer, and he knows there’s something she’s not telling him. “He wants to see you, and I’m not going to dissuade you. Just make a little effort with him, alright? He hasn’t seen you in a while.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He nodded, but only because arguing would be stupid. Something was still not adding up, but he lets it go. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ten o’clock rolled around fast, thankfully, and Suga made the short walk from his street to Daichi’s in record time. Not even three seconds had passed between him ringing the doorbell and Daichi answering, and he was immediately pulled inside. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sugawara-san!” Haruo shouted, bounding down the stairs with an xbox controller under his arm. “Daichi said to be nice to you, so do you want to race the cars with me? You can have the better one.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He held out the controller and Suga took it, shooting a smirk at his boyfriend. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If Daichi said so, I can’t possibly decline, can I?”</span>
</p><p>An elbow found its way into his side as soon as Haruo’s back was turned. </p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was the same game they’d played back when he and Michimiya had come over, but even with the practice the twins beat him easily.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re going to drive off a cliff, Sugawara-san,” Yusei said over his shoulder as Haruo passed him easily – and, sure enough, next thing he knew his little red avatar was sprawled on a cliff side beside the car.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That turn always gets me,” he mumbled. Haruo snickered. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You accelerate too much,” Yusei said, before pointing down at the controller in his hands. “There’s a trick, but showing you would probably mean I’d lose, so…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Turns out ten year olds are exactly how he remembered them. At least he had the decency to look a little bashful. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My go,” Yusei said to Haruo, and his twin handed him the controller and took up Yusei’s previous position on the bed. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That’s enough massacring Suga,” Daichi said eventually, preventing them from playing him into his eighth consecutive loss. In his defence, he’d finally managed to stop diving off of cliffs, but now there were trees in the way that he kept totalling his little car into. “We’re gonna go downstairs for a while, okay? Behave yourselves.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yusei just shrugged and tossed the spare controller at Haruo, mumbling something under his breath to his twin. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He followed Daichi downstairs with cautious curiosity, because as much as he wanted some time for just them, he was still very aware this was Daichi’s parents house. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Isn’t it a bad idea to leave two kids unsupervised?” he asked, mostly just to tease. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nah, they’ll be fine. I just wanted to get you away from them for a while.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga moved a little closer, a smile tugging at his lips. “Oh yeah? What did you want to do that you couldn’t have done in there?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His question was answered when Daichi’s hands found their way onto his face and pulled him into a kiss, passionate at first before turning softer, into something lazy and unhurried. Suga found himself smiling impossibly wide as he finally pulled away, face flushed and a little out of breath. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, that would’ve been a bad idea to do in front of your brothers.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi laughed, face just as red as he leaned back against the kitchen door frame, and with the way the sun was hitting his face he’d never looked more handsome. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks for coming,” he said eventually, having reached out to take Suga’s hand in his. He drew mindless little circles with his thumb as he thought, clearly mulling something over. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga gave him his time. “It was no problem. You know I like your brothers.” It didn’t look like he was going to say whatever was on his mind, so Suga continued with what’d been bugging him most of the morning. “My dad called last night, apparently. Mum said he wants to see me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi’s thumb stilled for a second on his hand, before resuming the circles. “Do you want to see him?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was a fair question, and if he was being perfectly honest, it wasn’t something he’d given much thought to. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know,” he said, because he really didn’t. “I haven’t seen him in years.”</span>
</p><p>Daichi gave his hand a squeeze, a reassurance Suga was the one usually offering. “Well, whatever you decide I’m going to be here,” he said, and the sincerity in those words was enough to stop Suga worrying too much. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>part 2 to be out shortly...</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. babysitting, pt. 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>and here’s part 2!</p><p>there’s a lot more to say in the end notes, but for now I’ll let you enjoy the chapter</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>They stayed in the kitchen for a while after that, trying to find his father’s social media and stalk it, but eventually they gave up and just started scrolling through meme pages. He never thought he’d find a cat falling into birthday cake this funny, but here he was, with tears in his eyes, laughing at exactly that. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What is it about you and cats?” Daichi asked, once he’d calmed down a little. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know, okay? It’s a cat. It fell on a cake. Nothing about memes is rational.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi made a noise that sounded suspiciously like a disbelieving </span>
  <em>
    <span>uh-huh, </span>
  </em>
  <span>and Suga was just about to defend himself when Daichi’s expression broke into a surprised smile. He nudged his phone into Suga’s hand, where Instagram was opened to a picture of Michimiya and a guy Suga vaguely recognised. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was innocent enough; they were probably at the mall from all the people behind them, sharing what looked like Starbucks in front of the fountain. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh… cool?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi laughed. “That’s Takahashi. We’ve only formally met once but… I’ve seen the way he flirts with her. Looks like he finally got the nerve to ask her out.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sure enough, on a closer look, Suga could see the boy’s arm around her waist. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Takahashi…</span>
  </em>
</p><p>Something about the name sounded familiar. A guy in their year had the same one, if he remembered right, and he was nothing short of an asshole back in their first year. </p><p>Then again, maybe people change. </p><p>
  <span>“Daichi?” Yusei called, appearing at the kitchen doorway a moment later. “What’s for lunch?”</span>
</p><p>It was enough to distract them both from the picture, and whatever Suga was going to say about the guy. </p><p>“Now that…” Daichi started, “is a very good question. What do you guys want?”</p><p>
  <span>The kid considered the question for a moment. “Can we get takeout? Ma never lets us.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi frowned. “Yeah she does. We ate takeout just last week.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You didn’t have dinner with us last week,” Yusei said simply, digging through a pile of pamphlets until he grabbed what could only be assumed to be a takeout menu. “You were out with your girlfriend.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even after all this time, and after all the reassurances that he really didn’t mind, Suga knew being reminded that he was supposedly straight didn’t get any less weird for Daichi. Or uncomfortable. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh yeah,” he supplied with a grin, trying to erase the inevitable guilt knotting in his boyfriend’s gut. “I remember you mentioning that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi shot him a look. “Fine, we can get takeout. Get your brother down here so we can pick what to order.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The food came surprisingly fast, and the four of them tucked in happily. Haruo took up most of the conversation with his excitable questions and dinosaur trivia while Yusei added his own commentary in between, leaving Suga to sit back and watch as Daichi interrupted with corrections or reprimands </span>
  <em>
    <span>(I don’t think dinosaurs ate any aliens. Eat your food, Haruo).</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>It also left him with some time to think about his father, and what he was going to do. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He hadn’t been back to Miyagi in over three years, but even before that he hadn’t been particularly present after the divorce. Big opportunities in Tokyo, he’d said, whenever Suga asked why he was gone. It had become normal for him to just come home to a little apartment with his mother watching her baking show, and he’d happily accepted that as how life was going to be. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But he had to admit, he was curious about what he wanted. Maybe it was just a genuine attempt to get to know him better, to make up for all the years of missing games and birthday parties and parent events at school. And however much he resented the man for not really being there, he couldn’t deny the hope that maybe, his father was going to try and be a part of his life after all. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“They’re in that bottom drawer. See what you can find, I’ll make popcorn,” Daichi said, making his way back into the kitchen. It’d been a while since lunch and they’d decided on a movie, leaving Suga on DVD hunting duty while Daichi made snacks. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Bottom drawer…</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>He pulled it open and found a neat stack of movies at the bottom, all of them old kids movies with the cases fairly worn. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Ma and Dad kept them for us from when Daichi was a kid, </span>
  </em>
  <span>Yusei explained. He’d have to ask how many times Daichi watched the lion king growing up if this was the condition of the case. But later, because the response would inevitably elicit some colour in his boyfriend’s cheeks and he wanted to be able to enjoy that away from ten years olds. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga was just about finished sorting when he heard someone stop a little way behind him, and eyes on the back of his head. When he turned around Daichi was watching him from the doorway, arms crossed and a fond expression softening his gaze. </span>
</p><p>“Admiring my ass, were you?” he whispered once he got out of the twin’s earshot. Daichi actually spluttered. </p><p>
  <span>“Shut up,” he muttered once his composure returned, but his face softened into an almost-smile as he turned to look Suga fully in the eyes. “No, I was actually thinking about today. And how good of a dad you’d make.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And god, under Daichi’s warm and steady gaze, Suga could’ve sworn he’d stopped breathing. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Had he just implied…?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>“Sugawara-san?” Yusei called out, and the moment was gone. He thought he heard Daichi groan under his breath as he turned away, heading out towards the kitchen to do heaven knows what, and Suga couldn’t help the smile spreading across his face as he watched him go. “Sugawara-san, why are you smiling?”</p><p>
  <span>He turned back to where the twins were sitting a few feet away, and his smile didn’t falter. “Am I not allowed to just be happy?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yusei’s nose scrunched up in disbelief. “You’re babysitting two preteens.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The kid had a point. </span>
</p><p>“Did Daichi tell you a secret?” Haruo supplied helpfully, and it looked like he wasn’t getting out of this so easily. “You were both whispering.”</p><p>
  <span>Yusei gave him a look. “If it’s a secret why would he tell you?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Haruo ignored his brother. “Was it about his girlfriend? Were you guys talking about… kissing?” He whispered the last word, his face scrunching up in such a comical way that Suga couldn’t help but laugh a little. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s enough, you two,” Daichi said, coming back with a bowl of popcorn. “Stop interrogation him.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So you </span>
  <em>
    <span>were </span>
  </em>
  <span>talking about your girlfriend!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yusei elbowed him in the ribs, effectively shutting him up. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My girlfriend is none of your business,” Daichi said, and settled the popcorn bowel on the coffee table in front of the sofa. “Now can we watch a movie?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They decided on Jurassic Park fairly quickly (Haruo didn’t leave much room for argument) and sat down on the sofa, with Haruo and Yusei on one side and he and Daichi on the other. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They were close enough to hold hands under the blanket, but Daichi didn’t let their shoulders go near enough to brush. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga said he didn’t mind the secrecy and the whole girlfriend thing, and he didn’t. He really didn’t, or he would’ve told Daichi and they would’ve talked about it. But sometimes he couldn’t help but wish he could just snuggle right into his boyfriend’s side in public and not be judged for it. He wanted to kiss him in the corridor between classes like everyone else constantly did, and unashamedly say he loved him without worrying about being overheard, or the texts being found out. It was frustrating. Infuriatingly unfair. But he understood there was very little to be done about it. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>And who knows, maybe it’ll work out. Maybe people are more open minded than they let on, and will come around eventually. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>With that thought, he squeezed Daichi’s hand and moved a little closer. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Sugawara-san?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was Yusei, surprisingly enough, that called out for him after he left the Sawamura household. Daichi’s parents had gotten home a little earlier than expected and he’d remembered some homework he still needed to do, so he was off to the apartment when the kid caught him just as he approached their front gate. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yusei?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The kid hung back by the front steps but still closed the door behind him, standing awkwardly as he thought over what he was going to say. Suga recognised the expression – it was the same one Daichi wore when he was deliberately bringing something up. </span>
</p><p>“Sorry to hold you up. I just wanted to know if Daichi’s okay.”</p><p>
  <span>All the wittiness from before was gone, replaced by a timidness Suga struggled to associate to the kid. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Daichi? Did something happen?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yusei took his time answering, finding sudden interest in the sleeves of his hoodie. “I don’t know. He’s just been… different. And ever since he got that girlfriend Ma and Dad have been so much nicer to him, but I don’t think he likes her very much.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suga frowned. “What makes you say that?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He always looks so uncomfortable. You’d think having a girlfriend would be nice, but I don’t think he likes it.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hearing that was strangely comforting, which only made Suga feel guilty. He shouldn’t be relieved that his boyfriend doesn’t like dating a fake girl, should he? It made absolutely no sense. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He always looks better around you, so I thought maybe you know something?” Yusei continued. “It’s dumb but… is she hurting him? Is that why he won’t let us meet her?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>God, the kid must’ve really been worried. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, that’s not it at all. She’s not hurting him. As for Daichi being okay…” He paused, thinking carefully about what he would tell him. It’s not like he could explain everything that’s happened over the past few months. Wouldn’t be his place to say, and he wasn’t sure Daichi’s quite ready anyway. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Daichi’s a lot older than you and Haruo. I think it’s sweet you care about him, but don’t worry too much, alright? Just ask him if he’s doing okay once in a while, and if you think he’s lying just talk to someone who could help him. I’ll check in with him tomorrow, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yusei nodded. “Thanks, Sugawara-san.”</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>updates are going to be slow for a while, mostly because I want the next part to be well written and real life is kind of hectic at the moment, but it really depends on my motivation and inspiration to keep writing. already have an end in mind and i hate unfinished works so don’t worry about this being abandoned, but... for now, updates will probably be coming once every two weeks or so. </p><p>(i say that, but i can never really predict when i’ll get good ideas and time to get this written so... that could honestly be much lower or higher)</p><p>this work was always going to be pretty long so there’s still a fair amount before i can bring it to a close, but i’d really appreciate feedback on how you guys like it so far. knowing what you think and what you’d like to see is always such a great source of motivation!</p><p>hope you enjoy what comes next :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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